A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am an Aunt on here, but chose to publish anon (I dunno why really?)I have been split up from an ex about 5mths (about as long as we were together) (He was the first sexual relatinship I had in a long long errr long time!) I am struggling to get over the split (don't get me wrong, I am no longer crying over him or shit! But I was content being single, and am furious with myself for letting someone get close to me after so many years (even though he wasn't really my type to begin with) but he pursued me, and eventually I got to love him and even see a future for us)More strange is we split because of...(you tell me?) No real reason for his sudden change of heart (unless he met someone and didn't want to say?) Because his reasons were so shite to be honest!I have been remininscing tonight and found some old letters from another ex (who I still keep in touch with occassionally) and it has just brought out so many emotions! (We had a quick text sess, but he seems cooler than me!) I lost my dad at a young age (before counselling was even invented!) and am wondering if I am destined to be alone forever as every man I love ends in a split up of some sort.. :-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): OP here!Thanks for your replies. I think maybe yesterday I was just overly tired, overly sensitive and had one too many glasses of wine! I need to get a grip and have a word with myself! Ha! I'm feeling more positive today anyway! Jmtmj - I love reading your answers! Straight to the point, and delivered with a slice of humour, and always well meaning! Annon - You may have hit on something there, I think I may well be doing something unintentionally to push men away (which probably does somehow relate to not having a father figure maybe from age 11?) Serenity80, you are correct, it has defo knocked my confidence alot! But I will keep looking for the 'silver lining' (I'm sure they say every cloud has one?!!)Thanks guys, you have given me something to ponder over! Maybe I was too good for the recent ex anyway?! Ha! x
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (15 September 2011):
No you're not destined to be alone. The few that end up alone, do so because they give up on love, and relationships.
After a break up your confidence gets a battering, and you do really evaulate your life and see things much more negatively than they are. But there is sometimes positive in this, as you can make decisions about your life about going in new directions.
You should remember all the positive things you have to offer in a relationship, and all the things you want to find in a person and then, when you are feeling ready, get back out there. In the meanwhile, invest in yourself and your friends, do things to rebuild your confidence in yourself and love will find you someone else :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Hi. You are not destined to be alone unless you choose such. Is it possible that unconsciously you are doing something to push these men away. You mention losing your dad at a young age maybe you compare these men to dad or if dad would approve. You say counseling wasn't around when you were a kid to help you with the grieving process of losing dad. I believe that it's never too late to get it. It couldn't hurt. Only when we are feeling good about ourselves can we be able to feel good about someone else in our lives. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Of course you're not destined to be alone forever... what a silly sentiment.
All I can suggest at this point is to put down the love letters and step away. Its hard not to become emotionally charged by such things, regardless of how happy you currently are.
I've noticed this about myself at least... which is why I keep anything from ex's that is worth keeping simply as a "romantic history" locked away in a tiny safe. I never read anything in it or look at any photos in it, but maybe one day when I'm 60 I'll break it open and laugh at how young and naive I was.
I'm not gonna do the whole "there's more fish in the sea" routine, because you know it already. So I reckon the best thing you can do right now is just recognize that you're not thinking straight right now, you're going through that morose, self-reflecting period that generally follows the ending of a relationship. It'll pass.
Oh... and what the hell... there's more fish in the sea. ;)
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