A
female
age
36-40,
*atherineos123
writes:Hi everyone, Im in need of some advice...My boyfriend of about 6 months recently broke up with me... I think. We had been fighting, mostly on my behalf, and when we broke up he told me that he "didnt know" that he "just thought this wasnt working for us right now". I really dont want to be without him, so I wrote him and email explaining that I want to give us another try. The last relationship I was in, which was very serious, hurt me really badly, and he thinks that Im not yet over my ex. Ive been through a lot in my life (my father left me, and my mother passed away 3 years ago) and he told me that he thinks I need to get over these issues of abandonment before we could ever give it another shot. In hindsight, I see that I was suffocating him, and my paranoia of him leaving me is what caused our demise... (kind of a catch twenty two huh?) Ive already started going to therapy, and Im being very proactive about seeking out some help, do you think he will come back to me, and be willing to give us another shot? or should I just give up hope now?
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female
reader, katherineos123 +, writes (16 July 2008):
katherineos123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou see, the problem is that I dont exactly know where we stand. He has said that he doesnt want to do this, that he misses me, he thinks Im a great girl, blah blah blah, but yet he thinks I need to be able to "stand on my own for a while". We still talk, and are on good terms, but both of us miss each other, so I dont exactly know whether or not we are on a break, or broken up. Its all very confusing.
And I do want to clarify because my original posting does seem to suggest that I am trying to better myself FOR him, which is untrue. I had been planning on going to talk to someone for quite sometime, but the ending of this relationship was definately the catalyst that got me to do it.
I miss him terribly, and I just dont know what to do. Do I just come out and ask him if I should stick around? Am I holding onto unrealistic hopes? Anyone been through a similar situation?
A
female
reader, les +, writes (16 July 2008):
Hey,
Dont worry about him. If he is the motivating factor that you needed to get yourself into therapy, thats great. But once you're in it, do it for yourself. You will come out a better, stronger and a different person. And once you become that person, you might even realize that this guy isn't good for you. That you can find someone better.. Obviously I dont know the history between you guys, but from what you've said, a guy who left you because you had emotional issues from losing both of your parents doesnt sound like one who cares that much about you anyway. If he was really that concerned with your problems, he should be there for you as you go through therapy instead of breaking up with you.
But yes, I'm sure once you're done you will view him in a different light, and then your concerns now mnight not be relevant at all.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Well... your motivation for bettering yourself needs to be on you... if he does come back or if he doesn't shouldn't change that! I do understand, however, how this situation is what brought you to seek help in the first place, but the truth is this process belongs to only you and that is what you should focus on.
If he does come back you will be more ready to establish a healthy relationship, if he doesn't then working on you will help you establish a healthy relationship with someone else in the long run. And best of all... working with yourself will help you lead a healthier and happier life with yourself (which is the only one you HAVE to live with for the rest of your life).
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Whether he comes back to you or not, don't give up on yourself, dear poster. You need help with these issues; get it, for your own benefit. If he comes back, that will be a plus. If he won't, you will have to move on, but your having a more positive attitude will help you be happy with someone else.
All the best.
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