A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year and a half almost never initiates anything. He hardly ever bothers to make plans with me in advance anymore. Sometimes he will say, ok I am picking you up. But otherwise it is me making plans for us. And sometimes he will just drop hints about wanting to do something but won't just come out and ask me. Also he almost never initiates sex between us even though when we have sex it is very good. I'm just tired of doing all the work. It is getting very old and frustrating and makes me feel very unloved. What should I do?
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 I agree. You should simply stop doing everything in the relationship. The problem is...you have probably trained him quite well that you will take the lead in planning everything and he does not have to do anything.
When you stop calling, planning, and arranging, it may take him some time to figure out what's wrong. Try to resist the urge to jump in and make arrangements. Other people are not on your same time schedule, so be patient. If he hasn't planned anything in a week or two, you're going to have to talk to him because he just doesn't get it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (30 July 2012):
 You should stop doing anything. Men do not respond to women "who love too much." They respond to distance. They like to fill a void. He will have to learn that if he doesn't plan anything, then nothing happens or maybe you will lose interest and leave. When you do everything for him you are just keeping him lazy. He is not the same person you loved at the beginning, so don't show the same enthusiasm like before hoping he will match yours. You want to make him feel that doing something with you is the greatest thing ever, and not because the relationship requires higher maintenance than before. The sad reality can be that men naturally want sex but they do not naturally want to woo the same woman every single day, but he does have to understand that you need to see his efforts to feel loved. Don't depend on him to give you dopamine and endorphins. Try to see a relationship for what it is. Maybe it's time for you to develop other interests and friends. When he sees that your life is interesting outside him then that may pique his interest in you again.
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