A
male
age
41-50,
*onfushed
writes:I am a 30 year old man, and so a human being also. As a human, I have evolved over millions of years through a need to survive. This survival not surprisingly has required a strong need to procreate, and hence I am biological geared to be attracted to other humans, namely females. However in the more recent past, I, being the genetic make up of those that have past before me, have been influenced by the idea of good and evil (we can thank 5000 years of religious dogma for that!), but also of truth, ethics and a whole bunch of other things…. What I want to know is, why given the vast history of influence to which we are all beset, does my girlfriend suffer extreme jealousy when another good looking female is in the vicinity? I am a loving boyfriend who does everything I reasonably can to make my relationship work. I generally adore her and regularly do things for her that I would not normally choose to do just to show her I care. I don’t flirt, I don’t watch porn (any more) and I don’t have any close female friends. I am affected by modern culture, however unlike my suspicions of perception of herself and the world; I see myself and our relationship as far more than skin deep. I found myself the other night reading about Buddhism while my girl was looking at shoes. I like to ponder the depths of things and lately I wonder why I am with someone living on the surface… is it a healthy balance or am I just wasting my time. I am losing the fight to give a shit about how big bums look, if weigh has been gained or what shoes look better. Is it common for people with high self esteem to stay with people of low self esteem for 5 years and have none of it rub off… Is it just me, or is it hard not to think that good looks is the worst curse a female could be born with, for it fills a life with superficial compliments and so leads to a life trying to grip onto things when life so clearly full of impermanence?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 This may help or it may not, but I think that if this is really bothering you, that you should find someone who's on the same intellectual level as you are. If you've been with her 5 yrs and can't tell her your concerns or at least ask her if she ever thinks deeply, then something's wrong. If you've talked to her about this and nothing's changed, then there's nothing you can do except decide if her other good qualities can override this or not. If you haven't, then you really can't question this or wonder if she's good enough if she doesn't know your concerns. But the best thing to do is talk to her about this and see if you two have common intellectual interests or something. If you don't, then decide whether or not you can live with someone who doesn't question life and the things in it. Hope this helps.
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