A
male
age
30-35,
*ringonthepain
writes:hey, i need some help. i used to be good close friends with a girl (girl a) but i liked her friend (girl b) who was in a relationship. i was always friends with her but never close friends. girl a i think had feelings for me but i didnt see her like that. we started to argue over pathetic things and not speak for weeks. recently girl b became single and i started to hang out with her, we both have feelings for each other but we dont want to upset girl a. we've been seeing each other secretly but i feel so bad cause of the implications on girl b. i want to ask her out but i don know how to, and we just want girl a to move on so we can be together with no secrets and stuff. sorry to swear but what the f*ck should i do?! i like girl b a hell of a lot and have done for a while. but i dont know how to ask her out. and now girl a isnt talking to girl b. argh im so stressed. pleeeasssee helpB
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bringonthepain +, writes (17 November 2007):
bringonthepain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionargh things are still confusing. girl a won't speak to girl b and now we risk losing contact alltogether :(:( it'll break my heart if this happens. i just want to be with her. surely if girl a was a true friend she wouldn't get in the way of her best friend's happiness?
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 November 2007):
 You weren't dating girl a from the sounds of it, so what is the problem? Life is full of disappointments at some stage and she will move on from this. There is no point making a mountain out of a mole hill with this one...date girl b openly and honestly if you want and let girl a know you are in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, BreeBree  +, writes (14 November 2007):
If girl A isn't talking to Girl B, she must already know something is going on.
Your choices are to
1) tell Girl A. going together in secret will probably just hurt her feelings even more because you both lied about it.
2) Don't go out with Girl B. If you really value your relationship with Girl A.......tell her you really like Girl B and say you don't want her to be upset. If its ok with her you really want to go out with Girl B and if it's not ok with her you won't. And then if she says no, you don't do it.
If you go out w/ Girl B w/o telling Girl A you risk losing her friendship, although there is the chance she will get over it.
Or, if you wait it out long enough you may just miss your chance with Girl A or become disillusioned by her.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, DeeLayla +, writes (14 November 2007):
There are two possible outcomes here,
Outcome a)
You need to ask her why she is angry at you for you being with her friend if it is because she has feelings for you explain that you just don't feel for her the way she does for you. You also need to talk to girl a and tell her that your feelings for girl b are real and you want to try and be with her without having to hde your relationship. I f she doesn't accept this then maybe she's not a friend worth having ...
Outcome b)
We don't know exactly how close you were with girl a. If you are really close with girl a and you two are REAL friends then no girl that you could possibly break up with should come between you that way. It simply isn't fair.
It all depends on 5 things:
the type of relationship you have with girl a,
how important that is to you,
how important having a relationship with girl b is,
how much you like girl b
if you think you're relationship will go the distance
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