A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26, he's 27 and we've been together almost 2 years. Basically, he's suffering from severe depression, and I'm having difficulty coping with the situation.He's just been made redundant from the 2nd job in 6 months, and it's just exacerbated his depression. He's on the waiting list for more counselling and he's taking a course of anti-depressants. I work from home, and also have depression, so we're together a lot and he's getting me down too. The worst thing is the silence. He'll just give me one word answers, and if I ask him what's wrong he just shrugs his shoulders and says "nothing". I know this sounds silly, but you know if you go have a shower, make a drink whatever, you mention it in passing? Well he just gets up in the morning, and walks off. I say "morning, honey" and he'll just mutter something. Next thing I know, he's in the shower (I'm not saying i want to know what he's up to all the time, it's just something you mention.) or putting on a movie without asking if I mind. We haven't had sex in almost 2 months now, and he says he can't because of the depression. However, I take it as a personal rejection.I guess my main issue is not knowing how to act around him. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I make a joke, sometimes he'll laugh, sometimes I'll get the death stare. These mood swings are of frequent occurrence. I hate being ignored, and I've tried talking to him. He just keeps saying "Im depressed", but he doesn't see how it affects me. I don't feel like I'm the one who should have to keep quiet and sombre because he is. I asked him what i should do, and he says carry on as normal, but how can I? I find it difficult acting bright and upbeat when he's being an emotional vampire! Yesterday morning he woke up and was all cuddly with me, today at 7:30am i woke to find him going into the living room to sulk over a book. I went in to make him a cup of tea and he wouldn't speak to me.Sorry this is long and muddled, i just wanted to get my thoughts down on paper, so to speak. I really need some advice on this one please!
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female
reader, Practical  +, writes (3 August 2010):
 I'm facing the same problem ..
I need advice as well, on how to DEAL with him ..personally .. should I call? should I always initiate contact? he seems like he doesn't wanna call and most of the time he doesn't answer my calls !
yet he doesn't want us to break up .. I know the usual advice of therapy and all .. but I need to know this: should I always initiate communication?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Hey there.
Being in a relationship with someone who is dealing with depression is very challenging and it will wear you out in the end. You will constantly be adapting your behavior in order not to potentially upset your partner. This is no life.
You boyfriend needs intense counseling and treatment to overcome his illness. To motivate him to do this, you could tell him that the two of you can't live together if he does not seek adequate treatment for this.
The fact that you have not had sex for two months has nothing to do with you so don't take it personally. One the most common side effects of depression and anti-depressants is decreased libido or sexual appetite. In some cases, when treatment is not working properly, it is not unusual for the perosn to have no sexual desires what so ever. In the case of men, this often means difficulties getting and maintaining erections.
Tell him he needs help and support him in that endeavor. You can not cure him; only a professional can.
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