A
male
age
,
*atatestreet
writes:This may be an unusual request for advice. My wife and I have been together for the better part of 19 years. I am 62 she is 43. We were first married in 1995 and divorced in 2002. We were reunited in 2008 and remarried in 2010. We have both been married 5X including 2 marriages to each other. I have always been madly in love with her and have an incredibly high sexual attraction to her. Up until about a year and a half ago she seemed to feel the same about me. I cannot pinpoint exactly when it changed for her and I have racked my brain to determine if any events occurred in that time frame that might explain her lack of interest. We have discussed the issue on many occasions without resolution. Most of the time these discussions lead to an argument. Just this week we discussed it without arguing. I expressed my frustration with my high sexual attraction to her. Her response was that she had "even discussed our sex life with her doctor and her doctor said the given the length of our relationship, the frequency of our lovemaking was way above average". We have sexual relations 4 to 6 times per month. She often makes comments regarding husbands who cheat stating what worthless humans they are. She attacks me for masturbating calling me names. At this point, I have very strong resentment toward her. I understand why husbands cheat and have considered it but have not done it. As I write, I must fight the feelings of resentment that often make me feel angry about this. At this point, I am tired of begging for sex and am extremely tired of arguing about it. I do not want to divorce her. So, my question is, are there groups or techniques available to me so that I can overcome my passionate desire for her. I do not want to care about having sex with her anymore. I do not want to feel resentful or angry about it anymore. I need to find peace within myself. Can you help me with some ideas or suggestions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 What changed a year and a half ago? Your relationship was good from 1995 to 2002. Then you married other people. You got back and remarried in 2010. A year later you two started having sexual problems. My two guesses are, she got obsessed thinking about you and your other ex wife together, and her having premenopause symptoms: dryness, loss of sex drive and mood swings.
It would have been easier to conclude it as an aging issue for her if you two were married the whole time but with a break in between, it makes people wonder if you got back together for good reasons.
A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (27 December 2013):
My first thought is "be careful what you wish for". I've been in your situation. My wife had pretty restrictive ground rules for when sex might be in the cards. I was frustrated from pretty early on in our relationship, and told her a number of times that I wanted more. She would make an effort for a week or two, but invariably things would go back to where they were. Eventually it was down to once a month. Then we went two months, then three. A couple of times I was ready to move out, but didn't for various reasons. All the time I was wishing my sex drive away.
After close to 30 years together it happened. I realized that I didn't want her sexually any more. I couldn't just turn it on the three or four times a year that she was interested. The rest of the time it was better, I'm no longer walking around frustrated and resentful all the time. But when we do actually try to do anything, I'm sure it's a slap in the face to her than absolutely nothing is possible.
I can't tell you how the story is going to end. There is more to life than sex, and it's possible that we could grow old together as friends on the same team. But at least occasionally she is now the angry, resentful one.
I hope someone will give you some constructive advice, but I thought I'd at least let you know you're not alone.
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