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I'm starting to think I sound really delusional

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Question - (29 March 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

All of my life I've wanted to share my life with someone who loves me back just as much as I love him, but lately, I've been losing heart.

I've been disappointed so many times, and I just wish there were that one person who loved me too much to cheat on me, disappoint me or break my heart.

I'm not racist and I mean this with all respect, but I've never been attracted to "my own kind," i.e., North American, white guys.

Nothing wrong with them. The chemistry just isn't there. The thought of having an ordinary life and marrying the guy next door like everyone else does just bores me!

I've dated American white guys, and they all crushed my spirit or bored me to death. I want someone who will make my heart jump.

I've always been attracted to latinos, and I've always wanted one as a boyfriend/husband. I haven't closed the door to others,

I'm just attracted to latinos. I speak fluent Spanish and I lived in Mexico for a long time (I would like to leave the US again). Sure I have latin friends... but I'm so scared to ask them something because I might offend them! (It's not that I don't trust my friends, it's that I can't bear to lose them.)

I mean to offense to anyone, forgive me if I do offend you, but many people have told me that latinos are a faithless breed of human and cannot be trusted.

People tell me, "do the right thing and marry a nice white American guy like you're supposed to."

I don't think ALL people of a certain race can be cheaters, but...

A couple things that happened lately made me feel very discouraged.

A friend from college wrote me and told me he cared about me and needed me and wanted a relationship,and asked me to return to Mexico.

The trouble is I've made plans to go to Spain later this year and I can't back out, and I don't want to because this is the trip of my dreams (going to Spain to study). He made it sound like he really cared about me, but recently I found out he abandoned me for another girl.

He's become VERY cold hearted to me, he builds his world around her, and we're barely friends anymore.

My aunt defended him, saying it's his culture. says that "Latin men aren't loyal, one is never going to LOVE you... do the right thing and find a nice American guy."

This made me very angry because I've lived in Mexico and speak Spanish and my aunt, who doesn't speak a word of Spanish and has never lived abroad, is acting like she knows more than me.

I don't think that ALL latinos are bad and ALL whites are good, but I'm REALLY losing heart. Sometimes I wonder if human being men, PERIOD, are just inherently unfaithful.

Furthermore, I know there are exceptions (I heard from a reliable source :) ) but it seems like the natural thing is to prefer a woman from your own culture. White, American women are reviled the world over as being undesirable.

I've been told that a Mexican guy, deep down, is never going to be fulfilled by an American wife and that all Mexican guys can only be fully happy with a Mexican woman.

I'm starting to think I sound really delusional: That there is some latino guy out there, that is looking for me, and would choose me, a 29 year old white American woman with a temper, over all the women in his country, and that if he were to find me he'd be faithful and love me too much ever to hurt me

or break my heart. Does this sound delusional?

Lately I've been feeling discouraged because my dream of finding a wonderful person who loves me too much to hurt me... is dying.

View related questions: crush, period

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (29 March 2009):

lotus mama808 agony auntSweetie, if you are not racist, then leave race out of it. Put all the men in a large pot, because in general, there are good ones and there are not so good ones, no matter where they come from. My very best friend was ripped to shedds by a latino boy after just having his baby. He abused her mentally during her pregnancy, cheated on her, and ultimately controls her every move. He wasnt like this when they met, and when confronted by it, he laughs and says "Guess it's the Latino in me". Does this mean all lation boys behave this way? Certainly not. I understand if you are not attracted to someone of your own race, but if you are at the point of "losing heart", perhaps exploring other cultures is a good idea. One race is not better than others, and the right guy for you might be someone you least expected. Keep an open mind, I think you will enjoy the results.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009):

Wow not delusional...just have a Latin type fetish (think i can expert a wrap on the knuckles for using it in that context.

You have several things going on here....

Are all whitse better than all latins? - if there human, then no. They will have good and bad people.... You know this!

I think you have a lovely opportunity to go to Spain and they are different bread of latin there.... I think you will find your hearts desire there....

Don't waste time now morning would could have been - go find what is and what will be. You are going to live in one of the sexiest best countrys' in the world....

Dont go looking for love - it will hide...

Star.x.

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