A
female
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anonymous
writes:In a bit od a situation nere and i feel awful for it, i can't stop crying, thing is i have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, we were good at the start and for the past about 8 months he has no urge to have sex with me, this on the other hand made me think he was going off me but he kept reassuring me everything was fine and he's basically just not in the mood and does not know why, i have cheated on him before when i went on a girls holiday, he knows about this and i know how it hurt him so much, thing is recently i feel like his freind we dont go out, we neevr make love and it has really started to bother me, anyway a lad who i knew came along and gave me all the attention that my boyfriend had stopped giving me, he was telling me i was good looking and that he fancied me, i have been texting this lad and my boyfriend went away for the weekend so i invited this lad round (to my boyfriends house!) and we had sex, at the time and minutes after i didn't regret it but now i do, i feel awful, i feel such a bad person as my boyfriend is so nice, but he lacked showing me any love and that hurt me, i have no excuses for what i have done and to make matters worse its the second time i have done this now, i feel disgusting but have no one to talk to, what do you think i should do? i am so sorry for what i have done!
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (23 July 2006):
 This thing baffles me. I may be harsh about it but it really is confussing how women on this site are so sympathetic to other women who have cheated and bash men who cheat in the same regard. Totally wrong. Its like saying men cheat and they will always be cheaters and women cheat and they made horrible mistakes and should be forgiven because their boyfriend forced them to. BULLS**T!!!
****** NOW FOR THE ADVICE***
I know that you feel terrible about what you did. I have been there (never twice). I look at this from his point of view as I am a man. Men are territorial. I don't think he gave himself substantial time to heal before excepting you back into his life. You all had problems before you cheated the FIRST TIME which were probably never resolved. To make matters worse you cheated. He has to deal with the thought of you being touched, kissed and fondled by another man. To imagine you being pleasured by someone else is gut renching. Everytime he makes love to you or you all get intimate this is an ever lingering thought. Now you have DONE IT AGAIN. Thats even more to deal with. To answer your question: Let him go and you go. Let him sort out his feelings about the whole thing and you sort out yours. There is no need to live like this. Its unfair for him to take you back knowing he can't deal with your infidelity right now and its unfair for you to keep being unfaithful. Once you all have sorted these things out in your own minds then talk and come to an adult decision as to what you all will do. Right now emotions are running a little high, especially on your part for feeling sorry for yourself. Get off your ass and be grown up. You lay down and now you have to stand up. The damage is done and there is nothing you can do to change it. What determines your stature is how you handle it. I'm sorry if I was harsh but sometimes it takes that harshness to get the point across. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006): Love won't always be shown directly. He probally loves u but has a different way of showin it. The best thing to do is apologise
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A
female
reader, Salsa +, writes (23 July 2006):
 well for starters tell your boyfriend how you feel,it maybe hard but tell him how with out his love and affection you had an affair!!tell him how you miss that love from him!! he shud understand if he doesnt dumphim because he's not worthy!!
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