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female
,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible to be in love with someone but not want to be with them? I still love my ex, and I long for him sometimes when i'm alone and thinking about him, but right now I feel exhausted. We've been on and off since this time last year, and he's been such hard work to keep things going, as he's the type of person to move on to a different girl when it gets too hard, so I was the one always having to fight to keep things together. I got so much out of our relationship, and we broke up because he was depressed and said he could no longer give me the love I needed. He's better now, and I know if we made another go of it it would work and I know I love him, but I'm single for the first time in a year right now and i'm finding my identity again. I'm finding time for myself, to read and write and make music and art and all these things that I used to love doing, but stopped when he came on the scene because all my passion went into him. Is this...healthy?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): No, it is not healthy to completely lose who you are in a relationship....he sounds really really high maintenance, and if you feel you are the one doing all of the work, that seems a bit odd. I don't think relationships are 50/50, I think they are about 90/90, in other words both adults have to work at them hard, however, there should be room in the relationship for you to be you and to do the things that you enjoy alone as well as together,,,if you have to give too much of this up, then you will not be happy and neither will your partner because you won't have much to give to him if you are all used up and not taking care of yourself.
I am not sure this is the right relationship for you, that is something you will have to answer on your own, but don't sacrifice who you are to be with a man, you need to find a relationship where you can still be you, and he can be himself and you both can be an us.
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