A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why the hell am i still in love with this guy1. who never wants to marry me since im older to him2. who breaks up with me whenver he feels that i am pressureing him for commitment and gets back after few days as if nothing hpnd3. Never commits even for an long term relationship. Does not want to think any future with me4. Wants me to call him everyday and when i do, he often says i am boring him or he is feeling sleepy whenever i speak5. never says i love you, always says i am just a friend. but never have any problem in sleeping with me.6. orders me around and says he is gods gift to womenhood. since he is such a good performer in bed. 7. says he will never fail to get any women, i should be happy that he is with me. even if i leave him he would get anyone within matter of time8. wants to have sex with me even if i am sleeping9. Does not want to be emotional attahced to me10. says if i stay with him he'll be happy, but will never feel even a bit of sadness if i leave him.i tried leaving him few times, but he always makes me guilty as if i did something wrong. I want to hate him, but i tried and i couldnt do that at all. i am scared that i am going insane by being with him. i know that he is not good for anyone. then why the hell am i still with him. i feel i am being used, whenever i say this, he says he never used me. he is just loving me unconditionally. please someone help me, i like to get out of this mess without feeling guilty.Thanks for reading it.
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female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 He is emotionally blackmailing you.so mean and manipulative he is...leave this jerk.he doesnt deserve you. Go find your happiness somewhere, He DOESNT deserve you
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 December 2010):
 He is a manipulator. And manipulators are attracted to people who are easily manipulated. Another word for manipulator is predator. And you are his prey. He knows how to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He is good at making you feel guilty. Heck, he says very bad things to you and makes you feel guilty about being mad at him for that! He also knows that you are not going anywhere. Everything he does keeps you there.
But here's a little secret he doesn't know: You have the power. He needs you. The solution? Leave. Cut ties with him. But to do that, you have to be strong. And listen to this next part because it's important: IF YOU STAY WITH HIM THINGS WILL ALWAYS BE THE WAY THEY ARE NOW. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. EVER. HE WILL ALWAYS TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP AND HE WILL CONTINUE TO LOWER YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE.
You must go. I know you're going to feel guilty in some way, but ignore that feeling. Dump him. He is not good for you. Dump him and eliminate all contact with him. If you "open the door" to him even slightly by saying hello he will worm his way back into your life.
LEAVE HIM NOW.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 December 2010):
 You love him because he's clearly a master of drama. Women love drama - in many cases (not all, but many), women would rather go from happy to sad to angry and back again, than just be happy all the time. This fact alone is what makes nice guys get so confused.
I've vastly improved my romantic life over what it was when I was younger just by occasionally, without call, being a jerk and then later acting like nothing happened. I hate doing it, but it works.
Let's cover your bullets individually:
1, 2, 3, and 5: By refusing to commit, he is making you doubt that you are even worth commitment. It's damaging to your long-term self-esteem, but useful to him in that it drives you to try to keep winning his commitment.
4: He gives you hope, takes it away, and gives it again. Drama.
6, 7: Irrational self-confidence and narcissism are a part of the "dark triad" of traits that women find irresistable. Read this: http://www.mysmu.edu/faculty/normanli/JonasonLiWebsterSchmitt2009.pdf
8, 9, 10: Mild-to-medium sociopathic traits are the second part of the dark triad mentioned above.
One should note that, while *hearing* about the traits mentioned above tends to evoke disgust, many women can recall at least one time when they fell for a guy who did just that.
In short, he's pushing all the buttons that trigger insecurity and one-sided commitment. The man is toxic, and sadly, guys like that are going to exist as long as women let it remain an effective strategy for getting sex.
Leave, get emotional support from family and friends, delete his contact info, and go cold turkey. Do it now; even if you delay, eventually he'll leave you for good anyway, and with much more emotional damage done in the process. At this point, you will sitll feel guilty. IGNORE your feelings, they are what put you in this mess in the first place. Just give it time until you feel better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): You shouldn't be in love with him. Leave and don't contact him. He will contact you I am pretty positive, based on what you said. Then its in your court, but I'd just leave for good.
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