A
female
age
41-50,
*oco85
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, we have been a bit rocky at times but really love each other and always work our problems out. He smokes a lot of weed and this is usually what we argue about, he has made it clear he will never quit but has agreed to cut down. We have talked about the future and said we would both like to settle down and get married one day and have a baby, then sometimes he says he never wants to be married or have children. When i asked him recently what he wants he said he didnt know, so i didnt push the issue.He has asked me to move in with him and im delighted and really want to, but to me that is a big commitment which means one day we will be a family, when i explained this to him he said it didnt mean that, it just means we're living together and that is settling down to him. He says he wants to be with me forever and doesnt see his future being with someone else. Im also a bit worried because i dont like people smoking weed in my home and his friends are often around his house and they stay up all night smoking. He has assured me it wouldnt be like that if i move in but im not sure i believe him. I have also made it clear that i dont want to bring a child into this world with a father who smokes weed, as i could never trust him to be responsible and look after the baby.Im scared of making a commitment to someone who doesnt want the same future as me. Im 25 and he's 33 and i feel if he doesnt know what he wants now he probably never will. I have told him to think about what he really wants from me, i dont want all this settling down right now, in few years i'd like to, but i want to be sure the guy i love now will be there for life. sometimes i feel he says he doesnt want kids incase i purposely get pregnant then he would have to give up weed. I have reassured him about this as i would never do that. I dont know if im wasting my time with him, I thought that by 33 you would have some clue about your future
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female
reader, coco85 +, writes (15 March 2010):
coco85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen he doesnt smoke he is attentive caring and motivated, when he does smoke he becomes lazy and plods along from each day to the next. Im not anti drugs or i wouldnt be with him at all, i just dont think its fair for a child to be brought up around a drug user. You may be a hard working family man that smokes a lot of weed but that is not my boyfriend. He works enough to keep himself in money to buy more weed. His friends dont work, they just smoke all day and when he is with them he is the same. They are really nice guys but dont have much going for themselves.
Im sorry but its not responsible for someone who is a drug user to have children, i dont care what you say, you cannot be there for your child in an emergency if your stoned, also i wouldnt want to be dealing with all the sleepless nights and non stop crying by myself because he got off his face to cope with the stress.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 March 2010):
 You don't like the weed, he finds it relaxing and dosen't see why he should give it up. Your goals are incompatible, you don't like the things he likes, and he can't see why he can't find happiness the way he likes.
I suggest you finish this relationship, it will never work, you are different people with different interests, that's all. Many people, including policemen, politicians, teachers smoke weed, hold down jobs and are responsible people in their community. Your anti-drugs, don't change the way you are, but he's been round drugs long enough to know that it won't make him an unsafe parent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
This is a waste of your time. There is one question above all that you can ask yourself. Do you want a baby born to a druggie? No. That would be enough to make me move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): To get something out of the way, Stop acting like your boyfriend's weed use is the root of his problems. I smoke a rather staggering amount of weed and am still in a successful hardworking marriage with plenty of $ in the bank from good saving sense.
It's rather obvious that this guy is just not that into you. He sounds lazy, unmotivated, and self-centered. Words of wisdom: take the weed away and he's still gonna be lazy, unmotivated, and self-centered.
Find someone who will appreciate you and put YOU first rather than dither on important conversations and string you along.
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