A
female
age
30-35,
*ngiebaby1993
writes:I met this guy on the internet and we have started dating I love him soooo much but the thing is He cuts himself and doesnt go to school me and his best friend got into a fight and he cut himself what can I do to help him? He says im the most important person in his life and he would die for me so what should i do Im scared incase he kills himself one day
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Your b/f is doing what is called Self Mutilation. He cannot control his pain or hurt about what he feels. He turns his anger inward against himself. He indeed needs to get professional help. You can't stop him from doing this because it is his way of coping. Most likely he won't ever kill himself but it is a possible chance he could.
The act of self mutilation is very scary and can also damage you. You are emotionally drawn to someone who is doing this and you feel guilty. You can't stop stop him from what he feels and how he is coping. He must get help. You were the one involved in the fight so he is caught in the middle and obviously can't clearly choose which of you was in the wrong. So he doesn't take sides and instead punishes himself.
Remember that you are very young and you are not in any way equipped emotionally to deal with this type of behaviour. It Will cause you physcological damage. Since you can't control the sitution it could be best that you break off this relationship. If and when he does get help,only then should you reconsider this relationship.
I will also say Beware of any internet relationship. Not everything is what it seems on here. Be wise and be cautious. Strive to be a friend if you must from afar. Don't let your attatchment become too overwhelming to this person. You are much too young to be so involved in this kind of condition. Sometimes this type of thing NEVER stops...sometimes it can be helped with therapy and medications. Sometimes certain people outgrow this need, which is usually a need for the attention. Many times however some will eventually cut too deep and they can die.
I once had a b/f who did this to himself. It started many years ago. I decided that I could no longer deal with this when he cut himself so badly I thought he was going to die. He wound up in a mental hospital for a short time. He would stop and then it would just start all over again. It is frightful, confusing, and you are really hopeless to change any of this alone. He must first realize he is sick and needs help. He must then seek and accept the help in order to get better. Don't let his illness cause you to become unstable too.
May God bless you and give you peace in your heart to let go. If things are meant to be let God see you thru.
A
female
reader, blueberry xo  +, writes (17 November 2007):
 Clearly he needs some help, and you might not be able to give it to him. All you can do is be there for him. I suggest that you seek an adult or trusted person that you know will be able to help him if you really do love and care for him.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 November 2007):
 You may love him but self harming is an addiction and its very hard to give up its hard to focus on a relationship while your coping with it, you need to tell him that although you love him that you find it hard to cope with his cutting and he needs to get help and sort himself out before you can start anything, he wont kill himself over you he is just being dramatic let him get help beofre letting him drag you down and letting you worry if anything you say will trigger him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Evidently you are very troubled yourself if you say you love someone who's so psycho. I doubt you can do something to help him because if he is not going to school is because he doesn't care about his well being and neither do his parents or tutors. So he won't accept your help. I think the only thing that would help him at this time is to going to a psychiatrist but I doubt he understands he has a problem.
You are getting yourself into big trouble here with this troubled guy. It seems you've known him for a short period of time and already you 'love him so much' and you are 'the most important person in his life'? He is manipulating you honey and nothing good ever comes out of relationships with manipulative people.
You should leave him right now but I know you won't so that's why I won't waste my time anymore with my answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): I understand that you probably care a lot about this guy, but for your own sake stop talking to him! There's nothing you can do to help him and you'll only hurt yourself emotionally by remaining attatched to him! Plus, ask yourself this: if you really loved someone would you want to scare them the way this guy is scaring you (And trust me, he most certainly knows that you're scared for him)? I doubt you would. As hard as it might be for you, break it off with this guy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Lose him..you are allowing him to blame you for cutting....forget it! U r young, nobody deserves punishment for love!!!!
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A
female
reader, poppy_design1  +, writes (17 November 2007):
Ever hear of the word "enable" let him go! You can't control or change what someone does. U can only change yourself... let me figure it out!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): first of all hes emo. well probably. And usualy emo ppl have sex A LOT so they can get over there life or something. if he cuts himself go AWAY FROM HIM. he might hurt you. no scratch that HE WILL HURT YOU. but if you dump him he might get mad =(. someone help her im stuck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): You have a very troubled bf, hun and you don't want to date this guy. Emotional blackmail is when someone basically abuses you, emotionally. They scare the crap out of you by telling you they will die, without you or they will cut themselves. Why would a boy who loves you, be telling you this? When you love someone, you don't want to instill fear in them or upset them, do you? He's keeping you unbalanced, scared and insecure. He is manipulating your emotions..he is saying "if you don't act the way I want you to, you will pay the price." So is this love, dear? No it isn't..because he is totally disregarding your feelings. He is abusing you. He is using fear and your sense of obligation, your feelings of love for him to keep you where he wants you. Take a stand today. Tell him you are walking away...you will never, ever regret that decision because all I see is a miserable future with this guy who constantly drag you down until you are a shell of a person. This is not love, this is control. Get away now..and go find a guy who treats you with respect, who is mature and has got his life together. You need to be strong, hun..be a female with some courage and if he threatens to kill himself, you tell him, "that's your choice and I will not take responsibility for what you do to yourself. Goodbye" Think smart, girl...lose this guy.
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