A
female
age
41-50,
*enn82
writes:Hi all,i'm a 30 year single female virgin.I have reached a point in my life, where i'm ready to move towards changing this. Does anyone have any useful info, where to start?I've heard of sex therapy where a sex surrogate is used, in the states, does anyone know of any programmes in the UK or Europe like this?Anybody have any idea how much it is?I wouldn't be considering a surrogate if it wasn't that after all this time, I've probably built it up to be such a big thing, I don't know how else to go forward, any suggestions?Thanks for listening/readingjenn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Is this a physical thing (such as vaginismus) or a social anxiety thing (where you cannot get close enough to a person to be sexually intimate)?
Talk to your GP, frankly and openly, about your options depending on the root cause of your 'big thing.'
Here's the NHS comment on female sexual dysfunction: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/goodsex/pages/femalesexualdysfunction.aspx
Here's a link describing what a sex therapist does and how to access them, via your GP, as I mentioned earlier: http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1683.aspx?CategoryID=118&SubCategoryID=124
Bottom line is, talk to your GP, be clear and complete about your issue and go from there.
Relate also offers sex therapy for a fee: http://www.relate.org.uk/sex-therapy/index.html
I used the NHS site to find these links. I think that's a good place for you to start.
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 April 2013):
Are you having problems dating?
Sex isn't that big of a deal. Although a 30 year old virgin is unusual its not something that makes you a freak or anything. If you find a guy you like, and things start heading that direction then tell him you're a virgin and you're nervous. If he cares about you he'll do his best to make it pleasant for you.
If you've never had a relationship before that's probably more of the issue than your lack of sex.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (3 April 2013):
I read your question, and I just don’t quite understand why you would need a surrogate to help you to move forward. To my mind, the first thing you need to do is to understand yourself, your body, and your sexuality. By age 30 I would assume you’ve done that. You have decided whether you’re attracted to men or women.I would hope that you’ve explored yourself so that you know what works for you and what doesn’t. If not, then start now – you can’t begin to have a successful sexual relationship if you can’t tell a partner how to please you. From there, what you need is to be open to someone who you relate to. Accept the idea that you will run across someone with whom there is chemistry. If you’re open to it, if you’re out in the world doing what you love, you’ll meet someone with whom it clicks. There is nothing so magnificent – that sexual chemistry is awesome, and it does happen.I’m telling you this, and I’d frankly be saying the same thing to a guy. Losing your virginity in a loving relationship is the best way. It’s a one-time thing, and there’s no hurry. Tossing it away in a paid situation is just sad, it’s a waste. You’ve waited this long – for goodness sake hold on a bit longer. Know yourself, know what and who you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): This is a challenging question...
If a man were to ask about using a prostitute to lose their virginity, I would likely say they should not because sex in general (or at least the nicest grade of it) isn't soley about the physical act. I'd also say the experience with someone who is paid to simulate a positive response can rob you of some valuable lessons. You could later end up with the next person and be confused when they don't seem as pleased as a prostitute (or encouraging as a therapist)
However, I always end up recommending therapy.
From the little you say, this sounds like you either have an bad itch to get laid or you just don't want to be a technical virgin anymore, want to lose the stigma, and you're looking for a safe and classy way to lose your virginity. If this is the case and you eventually want a sexual relationship, I would try traditional therapy first before you try a sex surrogate.
They might help you figure out why you haven't had intimate relationships in the first place.
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