A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI feel like i'm in a mental cloud at the moment. I seemingly are unable to make a decision as i want to be sure its the right one when i do. I have been with my bf for a year a half we split funnily enough at the same time last year when we first got together - he did not think it reasonable for me to go away for the weekend without him for my (with one of my female friends ) anyway i digress. At this point he had a tendency to be quite controlling, which we have worked through.Anyway things have been ticking on fine for the last few months. At the weekend his landlord asked him to move out, he then asked me to find a flat with him. I do not want to so said i wasn't ready and wasn't going to lie to him, because i'm not (i had a very bad experience with another partner and don't want history to repeat - hence i want to be sure). he is angry for several reasons, clearly. Firstly, he thinks this is because ultimately he is not the one for me. Secondly he is mad that i lived with somebody else and won't with him. He accused me of being a tramp at this point. Which is half of the problem. I am a placid person and i don't want to be spoken to like that, i am rationalising the fact that he was angry but i am really unhappy that he bases my behaviour on something that i can't even be accused of doing. The guy i moved in with i had been with for four years and was my fiance and first partner.So four days on he is calming down and wants to talk when he is ready. I have no idea of what i want now, i certainly don't want somebody that degenerates every arguement and calls me tart which is why actually i don't want to move in with him. This has now got me thinking about whether i want this relationship to go any further, if i have doubts, should i be with him, i guess is my question? We don't communicate very well as he is quite insecure and doesn't really listen to what i have to say, i tried to talk to him about why i had reservations about moving in, what happened with my previous partner, but he seemingly put two and two together and made 500.Before this we were really happy . I know that it is a good thing that this issue has arisen but its just dealing with the next step.My gut instinct after he text me accusing me of dropping my knickers for any man was loser I want out of this relationship. Should i stick with this even though i was angry and so was he?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionan update so i ended it and am just a mess, want to cry, can't eat can't sleep. I really don't know what i want in life and that includes him. ive done alot of soul searching and concluded that the former is influencing the latter
His response was that after 18 months i can't even talk to him about why i have run suggests i am wrong, i will talk to him but just not today am hormonal, tired from not sleeping and from cying for the last 4 days. I asked him not to contact me and to give me space to think, he just text to say he'll wait for me outside work today to talk. Am i being unreasonable to say no not today, he can be manipulative when he wants to be and i don't have the strength today. Firstly i over emphasise with people so i'm going to get upset if he does and don't think i can carry his pain along with mine
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Hello,
In the heat of the moment its incredibly silly to say anything hurtful to anyone. He should not be saying those things to you whatsoever.
It seems as though you really aren't leaning towards moving in together as you don't like the way you're being treated. Who can blame you.
If you're not feeling as though you truly want to be with him then you need to do a lot of thinking of what you truly want.
You mentioned he was controlling, and you've worked through those issues. Perhaps you can work through these as well if he's willing to compromise with you. If not, then it might be time to move on.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 He is not the right material for you . He does not respect you and treat you with much contempt and ridicule.
He is such a lowlife creature. You won't lose anything if you dump him.
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