A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 6months pregnant with my first child.The father and I are not together because he was very mean to me and mentally abused and took advantage of me and lied all the time.But for the sake of the baby I still remained friends with him because he has rights to the child.other wise I'd forget him completely.Anyway,Everytime I have to see him he's all over me telling me how he misses me and dsnt wanna loose me or the baby completely.And The other day he told me he got another girl pregnant as well..so as I'm 6months pregnant this girl is 8weeks pregnant.I told him I didn't know what to say to him and he went on a rampage of how the biggest mistake of his life was how he treated me n letting me walk outta his life and that he wishes that we never broke up.I told him I'd thats true why is there another girl pregnant and why were u able to date so soon after we broke up.He said because she's just like me.That he had sex with her to get back at me ant it backfired on him.Then he went missing and no one could find him so because I was scared I contacted the other girl to see if shed seen him..nothing.We both spent 3nights barely sleeping n barely able to speak.as we kept talking we got closer and became friends.The problem with it is I'm also so disgusted at her cuz she knew I was pregnant and had sex with him anyway.obviously there was a chance of her getting pregnant too.I don't know what to do with myself right now.I'm beyond disagreed in the two of them but I told them that I'd still try to work everything out so that everyone has someone to lean on.She has no one to turn to for help at all and had the worst childhood u could imagine.So because of the person I am of not being able to see someone in pain I told her anytime she needs me I'd be a phone call away..and that all 3of us will figure out how to be friends and get along witheachother so that no matter how un normal this is the children will not feel it..they will feel loved by all of us.But I just don't know if I can do it.I'm trying so hard to be strong and not break down.some days I feel strong and proud of myself for being able to walk away from him and not want to be with him.but I feel horrible for her because she dsnt know how to walk away from him.wants to but can't.I don't know how to keep from wanting to cry every minute..I feel so depressed and I'm afraid its going to affect the baby.I had a panic attack in walmart yesterday..I'm prone to them and in fact that's how I found out that I was pregnant.idk what to do!!I don't know how to stay strong.I feel like I'm going to brake down any day now.I feel sick all the time and I havnt gotten morning sickness till now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst please stop saying knocked up because I don't appreciate that word.and two if I wasn't thinking of the baby do you really think I'd be reaching out for help on what to do.I even stated I would rather just say fuck it and completely forget about him but because he's the father I have no choice but to allow him in my life because of the baby..and I never said anything about caring about who he's slept with besides me b4 or after.I walked away from him but stayed friends for the sake of the baby..I don't want nything to do with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks deffinately helped n made me think when I read ur answer.saw him for the first time today..not really.couldn't even look at him I just wanted to throw up w him..but had no problem talking to her.idk.I just feel like I want things to wrk put between the 2of them if he's willing to change so that I no I can trust my child around the women he's with if that makes ny sense..ughh some days I feel strong enough to do it n others I just feel like shit..
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A
male
reader, Thadeus74  +, writes (25 September 2012):
Hey sick mama,
You need to stop. Breathe deep. Once more.
Now, that's better?
Calm down, slooooow everything WAY DOWN.
Now, sit nice and snugg, grab a pen and make some notes for yourself.
You need to really look at this with logic and a still mind.
Emotions are great, but sometimes we need to have a cold shower and go back to be the cool cats we really are, deep inside.
Ask yourself:
- why do you feel responsible for this girl's happiness? Do you want to save her and protect her against your bad ex's influence (mother figure)? Do you want to support her through her hard time and hope to be able to help each-other with your respective pregancies (sister)? You want to use it as an excuse to get back in your ex's life (lovesick, lonely girl-child)?
- is your ex really still in love with you (sounds like he thinks he is at least)and if so, what do you really want to do about it? Are you ready to accept the consequences and the responsability that goes with it? To me, he sounds lost and immature (leaving everything for 3 whole days? RUNNING AWAY? Is he 15?), but this doesn't mean he can't grow into a decent person (after all, sometimes taking distance with scary, hurtful things is the best way to see things clearer, that's probably what he tried to do, in his confused, childish way).
Then again, know this: it this will take loads of patience, mutual respect and communication, and a huge amount of Faith. Are you ready for that? Do you think he's worth the effort? What is your "Gut Feeling" about this?
Are you ready to accept the fact it might be a huge mistake and still walk proudly towards it?
Or do you want to preserve yourself from the heat and madness and wisely walk away?
(Remember, though, most wise old (wo)men always live alone in caves, in the books...)
I know you'll do the right thing FOR YOURSELF at the end, you sound like a loving, strong soul.
Trust in your rational mind, your lady instincts and your human spirit.
Good luck!
Thadeus
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