A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know this is probably one of the most common things on here so i apologize if i repaet anyone.Went on a first date the other day and when i asked the girl if she wanted to meet up again, she said she just wanted to be friends. I was very keen, altho i know i didnt show it. I know thats a mistake.OK, i know these things happen but how the hell are you supposed to get over them?!This was my first date in years. I met her online. So it was a bit hit and miss i guess.I dont really know what im asking as its all common sense really.Im 31 though, so time is getting on.Im not sure i can take these rejections anymore. Also can i stop myself getting carried away? when we parted on the date she said she definitely wanted to see me again. maybe I imagined that. Dunno.Just any advise or pointers or supportive comments would be nice.thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Barrybaggs  +, writes (27 October 2011):
Mate, rejection is the worst feeling in the world. Rejection from your sports team, rejection for a job and especially rejection from a girl. I hate it. But so does everyone.
Really, I suggest just leaving it where it is (the past) and dusting yourself off and moving onwards and upwards.
Refine your approach on dates, but don't overanalyse yourself. You didn't appear to do anything wrong or bad.
Get back out there!
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 October 2011):
 I would say the feeling of rejection isn't ever going to completely go away but i would say it feels just abit easier each time and ovbiously dwelling on your first date and thinking why doesn't she want to go out again? or was it something i said or done is ovbiously going to make it worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): Hey, thanks for your reply.
She said when we left that she'd like to meet up again but then when i txt her to ask her out again thats when she said bascially no. and now she's not replying at all
i know what you say. it all makes sense. its just useful to read. i've been rejected before but before the first date stage.
maybe the rejection gets easier the more it happens?
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A
female
reader, deepgemini +, writes (26 October 2011):
 As an internet dater myself I know where you are coming from but you have to change the way you think a bit. It was only the first date and often I have found the chemistry felt when chatting online can be very different to when you meet. It's easy to get excited and think ahead only to be disappointed when after a few dates when it doesnt work out. And with internet dating it often doesnt despite all the success stories they advertise.
Just keep trying and also try to meet new people in real situations. You dont want to appear needy or desperate as its a turn off.
Oh to be 31 again lol! You have plenty of time to meet Miss Right she's so worth waiting for. Good luck
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Wait, did she want to meet you again or no?
Anyway, how to handle rejections... I think you are getting a bit carried away if this was your first and only date in a year and you get rejected. It's not like it happens over and over, this was the first time you were rejected in years! How can you classify ONE rejection as "I can't take these rejections anymore"? There's no plural, it's a singular rejection. If you want a fish to catch your bait you need to go fishing more than once a year and then call it quits when the first one gets away.
The solution on how to handle rejections is to get up and move on, continue dating until you find someone who you have a mutual interest in. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't all fired up about you either, would you. You want someone who wants you just as much as you want them, otherwise you'd be miserable and insecure.
If she wants to meet again then meet again, as friends. She'll probably have some nice girlfriends to introduce you to as long as you play nice. Don't let one bummer get in your way, it was one date after all, you weren't married to this woman.
There's more fish in the sea and guys have a longer time-line to search for a partner to settle with than women do. Which means for you there is still loads of time.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 October 2011):
Even though i am so much younger than you i too hate rejection (not just in dating) but it is a horrible feeling to expierence and i know once you expierence it once you can kind of build up this irrational fear of feeling it again. I find rejection hurts the most when you get your hopes up the most, if your were going to meet this girl and had all these thoughts rushing through your head of how you were gonna be real happy together and you were gonna go back to your place ext. Then ovbiously the whole rejection bit will of hit you hard. There is no way of avoiding rejection it is just a fact of life but i find the best way to deal with it is to go to a date with a completely open mind. I know its easier said than done but don't predict things for yourself or get to excited. Treat the person you meet up with like a blank canvas and paint your picture of the person as you go through the evening keep in mind there might be a chance your not this persons cup of tea and the night can go either way. If you do that i find rejection doens't hit so hard and it becomes easier to deal with as you continue doing whatever your doing. The worst thing to do would be to give up soo get out there and find another potential date! Good luck.
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