A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted here a while back about getting into (and very shortly thereafter, out of) a relationship with a very close girl friend of about 4 years. Basically, her boyfriend of about a year and a half broke up with her before summer vacation, I finally told her how I felt, and we got together at the end of summer for about 2 weeks. Said boyfriend came back from summer vacation, called her and said he made a mistake, she said she still had feelings for him, I told her it was a bad idea to go running back to him, but alas it happened.So for the past two-three months, they were together again, and we weren't speaking. Eventually I came to terms with the whole thing, and decided it was stupid to lose such a long term friend over this, so last week, I sent her a text asking if she'd like to talk. I got an immediate response, and we decided when to meet. Then two days later (the day we were getting together), I get wind that she'd broken up with her boyfriend.Imagine my surprise. I didn't rub anything in her face about it like I promised I would when we broke up (not one of my better moments), and we generally had a nice time. The only problem was, we didn't get much of anything sorted out, as we were at a bar, and mutual friends kept showing up. So I suggested we meet again, somewhere where we wouldn't be so apt to be disturbed, and she agreed. But yesterday she said something like that might feel forced and awkward, and we've yet to set something else up.I'm not nervous about talking to her at all, but from what I can tell she is very much so. I'm looking to restore a friendship at this point, and then move from there, but I'm not exactly sure where she thinks we're at.Your sage advice last time was that if I cared for her, and wanted any chance of being with her again, to let her play out the situation with her (now) ex-boyfriend. Now that that's happened, I'm not exactly sure how to approach this if she keeps being non-committal about meeting me.Sorry for the long message, and thanks in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Upfront is the best way here.
Don't be an asshole or anything. Offer her friendship, but don't lie about caring about her all the same. Just let her know you won't let those feelings interfere with your friendship at all unless she's comfortable with it.
This relieves an enormous weight off her chest. She's under no pressure, but knows feelings are still there and that you've forgiven her, and that she can take it slowly... gingerly if she wishes.
Thats the best I can do, friend.
Flynn24
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): You have told a long description of the situation but there isn't a very clear question at the end of it.
What do you want out of all this now?
I get the feeling that you're still hurt over her going back to the BF. It makes perfect sense.
So you're still hurt, you're hurt for totally understandable reasons, and your job as a mature grownup in this case is for your (inconvenient) feelings not to exist anymore. Good luck.
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