A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my story/summary:I apologize for the lengthy summary - it was hard to summarize.I mainly need opinions.My bf of 2 mos broke up w/ me. The reason for break up was numerous – one of the reasons: “I cant give u what u want (kids/marriage)”We were thrilled about each other(he constantly told me how glad he was to have met me/how happy he is), He called daily and sometimes saw me daily.He told me how close he felt to loving me but couldn’t say it yet.He talked about the future hypothetically –living together/kids/marriage.We had mini ups n downs but nothing explosive or out of the ordinary – lil disagreements.We took our relationship slow – I don’t feel we rushed into anything. He was always happy go lucky.Later he moved w/ his mother – as roomies (to help her financially), started having trouble at work and barely saw his friends (he lived w/ them previously so he saw them daily).I’d give him opportunities to see his friends but he’d turn em down or hang w/ them and then ditch em to hang w/ me. He complained about being broke cos of the current living situation *more rent than last place* and that hes a bad/boring bf – cos he was broke *which I didn’t care bout*, Im low on funds cos of disability – so we had to think of cheap things to do. He never acted diff towards me he just seemed sad/ frustrated w/ the other crap in his life.One day after meeting the rest of his family/they all liked me and talkin to him/everything seemin fine – he hung w/ friends and called me and tried to break up w/ me. He gave silly reasons:“im outdoorsy/youre not” –started knit picking our relationship and hes a worrier/over analyzer and fickle *said his bro calls him fickle*– he kept thinking of possible future probs.(Hes been cheated on/lied to in every relationship and was engaged in his last relationship.) We both agreed we didn’t want to see other people and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do cos he said he’s happy w/ me/enoyed my company etc. So after awhile of him goin back in forth from break up to stayin together – we stayed together. We agreed to communicate more and he said he’d be more positive and try not to think of all that negative junk. A wk later – same thing only this time he was wasted/hung over. This time he was determined to break up and the reason this time aside from the other silly ones was “ I cant give u what u want (marriage/kids)” I thought it was ridiculous to even think that far in advance considering we had only been datin for 2 mo. He also threw out there” it seems like sex is all u care about” which is def not true..and weird to hear.After him being huffy over the phone and denying me my stuff at the moment – he showed up at my door lookin like a sad dog w/ my stuff. He rubbed his eyes and gave lengthy hugs.We talked but no good outcome. I had to pick the remainder of my stuff the next day (need it for a trip) so at first he was sayin he was gonna put it on the porch cos I told him id just be quick/pick it up and wouldn’t discuss anything w/ him (cos I figured he was tired of talkin bout our relationship) well he got offended for whatever reason and after I explained what I meant he calmed down and met me at his house.I was cheerful while he was sad – im starting to think that’s his permanent look. We discussed our relationship a lil I told him he needs not to knit pick/allow himself to be happy and that id never screw him over. There was an incredibly passionate kiss session.He said he wanted to keep in contact/friends – I said ok and he thought I would need space and I said no and he said that maybe we could hang on the wknd/that hed see me b4 my trip - after talkin for a lil bit I left.He honestly didn’t know what his prob was.We’re still not together. Broke up Sat. Saw him sat night/sun – to pick up the stuff. Talked to him Tuesday via txt in a friendly manner (I contacted him thinkin we were cool/friendly) we talked a bit – he said he’d hang w/ me but wanted to get his stuff together first *currently broke* and said itd be bout 2 wks but then he’d be good.Wednesday I had sent a msg cos he was supposed to help me w/ something job related and I him if he still wanted to help me w/ that. I guess I shouldn’t have texted him cos I haven’t heard back and hes usually prompt when it comes to txts *atleast he was when we were together*. Im not gonna msg him anymore but Im just wondering what happened w/ him. My friends think he got cold feet/got spooked because things were going well or felt like he wasn’t doin his duty as a good gentlemanly bf = being able to pay for everything/go out do things.I don’t care how much a guy has, I don’t think bout the future or worry bout kids/marriage as long as im currently happy (he knew this but didnt believe me.."yeah..u say that now").he always seemed happy w/ me.We did things for each other-it wasnt one sided.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, uncle Frank  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 My dear 26-29 young lady,
I think you are dealing with a mentally ill person who should be professionally examined and, if possible, helped.
Also I think that you should be happy to be free of him.
Try to get yourself completely away from him AT LEAST as long as you have been in his company to quieten you inner feelings and imaginations about him.
He is right to think that if you two get together in a permanent manner, you would eventually either regret not having babies, whatever the reason is that he knows he cannot give them to you, and go baloney over the subject, or become angry against him and ... end of marriage or relationship.
The Bible compares an 'empty womb' to a grave, or to earth not filled with water, or fire that does not destroy.
A woman without childbirth, sooner or later sees herself as wasted, unfulfilled.
So: I think he is right there.
And I think that you are better off without him.
That is what I can gather from your letter to us, Dear Cupid.
Your letter was well put and clear, considering the state of anguish you must be in.
I have a daughter, a bit older than you, who has a year old baby.
I wish I could hold you in my arms and comfort you, anonymous sufferer.
Maybe you would like to write again.
Please let him go and try to forget him a little bit: you will never be happy with him.
See what you have become in two months! What can you expect in two years or twenty?
I wish you all the strength you can muster.
uncle Frank
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn addition to what I wrote - I also forgot to mention that I wanna know what I could do to make him feel at ease & hopefully get him back.
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