A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids, I am 25 yr old girl. I am a struggling engineer. I have great plans about my career. But my parents want me to get married. But getting married is not my priority. Right now nothing is important for me BUT my career. I tried telling them this but they are still forcing me to get married. According to them this is the right age to get married. And they say that I can focus on my career even after marriage. But I don't want to get married. Plz tell me how to convince them. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2015): You are 25. Stash away some money and move to a country that respects women. You could go to the u.s. or england or austrailia the world is yours. You are old enough and legal in many places all over the world. Your education can get you a job anywhere and in other countries you would not struggle because you are a woman. You might have to run away in secrect but is it not worth that? Would you rather marry someone because you are made to or because you love them? Only you know if it is worth the risk.
A
female
reader, Tottochan +, writes (20 October 2015):
Hi,
I'm sorry that your parents are trying to force you to get married. The thing is, they are also worried about your future in their own way. As parents, they would be thinking, oh, I want her to have a good support, and a stable relationship. They naturally think that career and everything else can be looked at later on, but marriage is a must, and time is ticking.
What can you say, Indian parents na :) I'm sure that you can understand their concerns as well.
You can definitely sit them down. Make tea for all of you and sit at the table. Tell them,
"Ma, Papa, I know that you're very worried for me. But look at ___ (do you have friends/relatives that got married a little later, and worked on their career first? If you don't, then also it's fine.) But marriage these days isn't everything in life. Even I would want to get married, but some day, not today! And before I am married, it is very important that I have my own identity, because when both people are financially independent and mentally stable, then one can be sure of having a stable marriage. I want to prove that I am good at my job, and I love the work that I do. Please give me some time. I want to work on my career and establish myself. If you get me married before this, then I will not be happy, and therefore will not be able to give my all to my new relationship, and that is not something that anyone wants. Let me get married on my own terms.
It's my happiness and stability that you're worried about na? I'm assuring you that working on my career will give me both of those things. There will always be time for marriage, and if you're worried that it might be late then, I'll find someone on my own, no worries. :) After all, it's a question of my happiness na. "
I'm sure things will pan out. Do let us know what they said. All the very best. :)
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 October 2015):
 Hi
It's very difficult when the pressure of the culture is so dominating and strong that resistance becomes very difficult.
If you just dig your heels in your parents will likely see it as a direct challenge to what they see as their authority over you to offer this ''guidance'' to you that they are trying to impose on you. Just as was imposed on them and on their own parents and grandparents in the past.
Change comes slowly in a culture. Often change is much more difficult in some cultures than in others.
What can you explore as far as some vocational opportunitites that you ''sell'' as only temporary? For instance a placement in another country to develop your engineering skills? With even better qualifications you can justifiably suggest that you will be an even better ''catch'' as an engineer.
Choose a country with less dominant aspects in respect to how women are regarded.
You are young - from the perspective your parents. But you are at an ideal age to be considering such professional development while you don't have the responsibilities of children.
Because I have often heard young men from India insist that they are too young to marry until they are older, and their parents accept this.
Yet their sisters continue to get pressure to marry at an earlier age than their brothers.
Alternatively is there some additional study you could consider that could only be done outside of your country and in a country that has a culture that values women continuing their career for longer before they settle down?
It is not going to be easy if your parents are going to continue to pressure you to marry. When you do discuss these marriage plans of your parents try to remain calm and assertive, not overly emotional. Do not resort to tantrums or harsh words.
Instead point out to them that the big investment in your education to date has been very appreciated.
That it seems such a waste to not allow you to develop your career to take advantage of all your education and learn skills and build your skills for at least two more years before starting to consider marriage.
Let them know that when they put pressure on you to marry now you feel the pressure is unreasonable and fails to take into account how important it is to develop opportunities to use the education you have enjoyed and that continued pressure makes you feel that they are not taking into account that you are not yet ready emotionally to marry.
That this pressure to marry prematurely is making you feel disrespected and is also likely to noticed by any suitor and could be read as resentment by a suitor and thus could adversely affect any marriage.
That you would like their respect and will listen to their guidance but you would also like them to understand that emotionally and professionally you are just not ready for marriage yet.
Can you also find some examples of some women you admire where those women waited to marry and now have a successful career and marriage and family? Perhaps your parents need some good examples of others who have achieved what you hope to achieve. That might demonstrate that slowly some changes in the culture are possible.
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