A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would appreciate advice please from both men and women. I am 27 and single now, after my ex left me for someone else. We were together for nearly 7 years. This really shocked me and messed me up. I have realised that my social life is now zero! after years of loosing contact with my own friends during this relationship. I have begun to join some social groups, (to keep me busy) to do things i enjoy and also to make some new friends.(and if i happen to meet someone special along the way, then that would be good too!) I dont feel like dating yet tho, My heart is still mending and im out of practice!. These groups Ive joined do all sorts of events each month so I can take part in lots of new and interesting things. But now what is worrying me is that so far i have had two guys take an interest in me. All i have done is go along to the next event and try to socialise, talk to people and make friends. After the last event, the guy i had been talking to asked me if i wanted to go to the cinema or for a drink sometime. I completely avoided the question and started talking about a walk the group is doing next weekend if he was going id see him there, and said bye and went, and he said bye and seemed ok and went too. Im not interested in anyone in this group in this way. I just want to meet interesting people, but if anyone does ask me out,(and i respect their courage to ask me, because i couldnt ask anyone myself) How is the best way to respond if youre not interested, so im not being unkind. I dont want to feel i have to avoid going to the group in the future because of these two people, so i will try to carry on and hopefully they will get it and just be friends with me and nothing more. Also my ex texed me today, saying Hi, How are you? Whats that about? I feel any contact with him will just mess me up again. I appreciate any advice, thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Just be sweet and say "I appreciate you asking, but I'm not dating right now." I'm proud of you for getting out there and making new friends and contacts. It takes a long time I know, but eventually the space in your heart will be filled.
However, please learn your lessons from this. Being married or being in a relationship does not mean you give up who you are. Have your own interests, keep your girlfriends and have a separate hobby or two. Never rely on one man to make you happy. YOU make YOU happy. The man you love is sharing in the love you have for yourself. That's what being a woman is all about.
Now, about your ex. Don't answer his texts, don't talk to him. Tell him once "please don't contact me at all." A new connection with him will only make getting on with your life harder. He's an ass for leaving you and he will not change. In fact, he's playing the same game with someone else that he did with you. Believe me, men can hide their spots for a while, but eventually, they show up again. Good luck!
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