A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i used to be horny all the time when i was with my last boyfriend. i then started finding him unattractive and never wanted to do anythin with him for a long time. its been months and months since i was last THAT horny. now im with my new boyfriend and i think he is so hot but i cant get horny. i want to. i sumtimes get a tiny tingle bt then it just goes away. as soon as he tries doing anything i start worrying about if i can orgasm or not. he keeps saying he wants to finish me but it takes ages. hed finger me for ages n sumtimes it gets reli nice (not orgasimic) but then it disappears agen n i just feel his finger but no good feeling at all. i cant finger myself i get no pleasure from it at all i feel like i need the guy n the body and the closeness for the feelings to develop and i cant get horny on my own. i just feel my finger goin in with no pleasure at all. i used to get reli horny with my last boyfriend i used to b horny all the time in school, in class, shopping nd things n now i dnt feel anything. i dnt think i ever orgasmd with him either tho. whats my problem? i dnt feel alota pleasure in places other people do. like if i touch or my bf touches my clit it feels uncomfortable. its not good at all. its just friction to me. its either not good or i dnt feel anything. if he kisses my nipples i cant even feel his lips around them or anything. is this normal?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 NO, it's not normal, but what is normal is how stress and worry affects certain abilities, in your case (sexual) You said it in your writing, as soon as he attempts to get close you begin to worry. That can definitely affect your experience.
Learn to relax, don't over analyze sex or weather or not you'll receive different experience. It's about enjoying the other person and having them enjoy you, that's it. There's nothing left to analyze.
I bet if you look back to when this transition happened, you may find the answer to what is causing this reaction.
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