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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, me and my girlfriend are having some problems in our sex life.. when we're really in the mood and about to do it the mood somtimes just gets ruined. Theres a number of different things that can spoil it. When we start off it hurts her and i have to go really slow and somtimes and i end up losing my erection i think its also due to the fact that she never wants to do it without a condom, as with a condom somtimes i can hardly feel a thing when we're having sex! I know i dont have problems with my penis as im only 19 and i have no problems getting an erection any other times! i just seem to lose it when were having sex as i can hardly feel anything through the condom and the way it hurts her at the start doesn't keep me turned on. Another thing that spoils it is theres always somthing we're worried about, like somone coming in, the bed being to noisey etc. On a few occasions i told her that i had orgasmed when i hadn't just so that she doesnt feel bad about me losing my erection, I feel really bad for lying to her but once she cried because she thought she wasnt good enough for me.. another problem is she has never had an orgasm through full intercourse in her whole life! Not with any previous boyfriends, or me. we just dont know what to do I dont want to tell her that I'm not enjoying it as much as i should be because it will really hurt her feelings and make her think she's not good enough for me!! I feel like shit over this are we the only people with this problem?? Also can anyone tell me the chances are of getting pregnant while only using the birth control pill as my girlfriend insists we use condoms even tho she's on the pill already, and i hate using them!
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condom, erection, in the mood, my penis, orgasm, sex life, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005): Stop having sex for a while. Focus on other ways to get each other off. Explore each others bodies and learn what each other likes. Talk to each other about what feels good and teach each other.Sex can hurt for a number of reasons; the most common being that ur partner is not turned on enough. Try getting her close to orgasm before you start having sex. This way she will be lubricated (from the natural processes when a woman becomes aroused) and it will be easier for you to enter her. Also, the use of lubricants should assist in reduces pain.Have fun and relax. You don't need to rush in and get off. Take your time to make her feel in the mood. This will make it better for both of you, and the longer you both can last, the stronger your orgasm. Tease and play, and try some new things in bed.The previous suggestion about renting a hotel room is a good idea. Or perhaps you could go camping, or lay together on the beach under the stars. Shake up your routine and remember go slow and take time to make each other feel good! Because that's what sex is about!
A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (28 November 2005):
 Dont tell her you don't enjoy it, my bf and i had the same problems and he told me he did not enjoy some parts of our sex life, because of this i didnt think i was good enough and i avoided having any type of sex with my b/f all together , if you tell her it will crush her and her self confidence will go down the drain, why not suggest some ideas to make it more fun and just experiment with new ideas and postions. In terms of the condoms, why not buy some that are flavoured or the ones that vibrate so that way using them is going to be a bit more fun for the both of you instead of giving you no feeling or excitement at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): The reason for the pain in the begining of sex maybe due to lack of lubrication if you have good lubrication from the beginign then there should be no pain.(Maybe a slight discomfort at first but it will go away quick.) Also the sixe of the penis matters alot, if it is too long it will not pleasure her very well, the first three inches of the vagina are the most sensible and that is where the main nerves are located at, also you should talk to her about the pain and ask her to help you make sex a better experience for both of you. Don't tell her sex is not pleasurable for you, just try to work at it by communicating. Also, the condom issue may not only be because of birth control, it could also be due to precausion of sexually transmitted diseases. Ask if she wants you to be tested and if she would like to be tested with you. May this will put her at ease and she will reconsider condoms, if that is not an option then try different condom brands and try to find one that lets the most sensation thru.
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A
female
reader, gift_of_the_gab +, writes (27 November 2005):
The problem is that your too caught up with distractions and not focusing on her. Go rent a hotel for the night instead of having sex over your parent’s place. And your only 19yo don't have high expectations that you’re going to make love to a porn star. Look on the Internet, porn magazines, and porn videos to get some ideas, both of you. Stimulate her clitoris why having sex. For the condom, well you could always use lubricant. Most young women use protection. I don't blame her either. Even older women who have just entered a relationship start using condoms until the relationship get serious.
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