A
male
age
41-50,
*nugg
writes:I've been married 9 months to someone who used to be lovely, but over recent months has become easily annoyed and moody, and very hard to love. just recently I met a girl who I get on really well with and we connected, but altho were good friends we both want more, but i'm a married man. please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): As a bloke, I can relate to wot ur sayin dude. Same goes here tho' after 6 years of marriage. No easy answer as you gotta weigh up the pain and fear...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): really sit down and talk to your wife and understand whats going on and tell her how you been feeling, communication is the power behind successful relationships.
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A
female
reader, caine1521 +, writes (11 May 2007):
Speak to your wife,maybe shes getting frustrated because you are treating her differently.You may not have noticed.Did she realy want to get married or was it that overwhelming she did not say.She could even be pregnant!
An she probably would have picked up on the fact that their may be someone else.This would have made her attitude worse.WOMEN ARENT STUPID
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 There's a big difference between between love and infatuation. Infatuation feels great. It makes your heart race and it's new and exciting. But it doesn't last. It can't. If you're lucky, love replaces it. Love lasts. And it's totally worth it.
You've given your wife a whopping 9 months and you're ready to jet. She could be feeling depressed (from her symptoms) and if so she needs you. And you're ready to dump her for your new infatuation. Nine months after you get with this new person are you going to jet again with your new infatuation? Sounds like it.
Love takes continued work, my friend. What they never tell you is that AFTER the happy-ever-after part in the fairy tale, they had to do some serious work to make sure they stayed in love. If you're not mature enough to put in the time to be with your wife, then you don't deserve her. And worse, you won't ever find the love you're looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): When we get married we have an ideal of what our relationship with our partner should be like. Sometimes after all the excitement of planning and arranging the wedding, when it comes down to it, the run of the mill boring stuff, its a bit of an anticlimax. This time last year it would have been a very exciting time in your lives. This is probably why she is feeling moody, and also if your attention is elsewhere, without a shadow of a doubt she can sense this. If you really want to make your marriage work then communication is the key, talk, talk and more talk. If you have decided that marriage is not for you which can often happen, maybe this new person in your life is your get out clause. Only you can decide but it seems as though you're definately not putting 100% into your marriage which is a shame.
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 i think i can empathise with your wife- im currently feeling down and am always getting accused of being "moody"
from my point of view its because i just had a baby and have been neglected by my partner throughout our relationship.
there is obviously a reason your wife is feeling like this and to abandon her after 9 months for another woman rather than trying to sort things out with her is pointless.
if this new woman has problems will you then move on to someone else?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): I think you should, sit down and have a good talk to wife.(Maybe theres something on her mind she wants to talk about).
Explain to her how you feel.
Tell her that if she continues the way she is, she might loose you.
If things do'nt change from there, maybe you wern't meant to be and you can move on a have a happy life with the new women you met.
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A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (11 May 2007):
 So your wife was once lovely, but now isn't. I don't think most guys understand what it takes for women to maintain themselves, then when they aren't able to, the men can't understand why when she did when she wasn't married. So instead of judging her, you have to look at what about her life now isn't working for her. Unless your the chew em up and spit em out kinda guy you might wanna help her to do the things that used to make her 'lovely' again.
If you don't get to the bottom of whats going wrong, in your next relationship its more likely to repeat. Your ladies will go from lovely to homely very quickly if you don't first try to understand what they need to keep themselves in the way you like.
I've gotten pretty homely this year myself. My fiance is pretty needy so instead of giving back to myself im now serving him. I used to be lovely too, but with the added responsibilities and less money for grooming and clothes shopping well...this is what you get.
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A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Hi,
As you say, you are a married man. If you have chosen to marry your wife you clearly had very strong feelings for her and in my opinion, 9 months seems a very short time for these feelings to have disappeared.
Perhaps rather than jumping into another relationship you should honour your commitment to your wife. It sounds very much to me like your wife needs your support.It is possible that she is suffering from depression or some form of anxiety which you could look into together and try to resolve. Your vows did after all (I assume) state that you would stay with her "in sickness and in health".
Another possibility is that your wife has sensed that you are likely to be unfaithful to her. I don't know both sides of the story and therefore it is hard to say.
A third possibility is that your wife is experiencing a sense of disappointment now that the excitement of the wedding has died down. These are all problems that can be resolved.
Nobody has ever said that marriage is easy, it takes time and effort to make it work. In a nutsell my advice would be to throw all your efforts into your marriage for the time being. If this fails then you will be better equipped to say that your marriage may have been a mistake. It would otherwise be a very big risk to turn to another woman so soon.
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