A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I have really low self confidence and I don't know how to improve it.I always feel like I'm not as good a person as I could be. I feel like I could do more to make the world a better place by giving more to charity, getting a career in a humane cause etc. Another example of where I have insecurities is in my role as a gf. I'm a really messy person. I literally can't see the floor in my bedroom most of the time and I'm terrified no-one will be able to tolerate this. I have a bf who is very loving. He has knows how messy I can get but he says it's fine, he'll help me with keeping things in their proper place.I feel like a failure for not being able to do basic things like housekeeping. I don't know- I just feel immature or irresponsible and I don't know how to just 'grow up.' I have a good degree and while I'm not in my ideal job yet, I still have a well paying respectable job. Socially, I'm very bubbly and sweet and come off as very confident. I interview well and my clients at work trust me.So I guess I'm socially and professionally functional.I pay my rent and gym membership and other subscriptions on time but for some reason, I find myself paying my phone bills late. I feel ridiculous and stupid saying this, but I also don't like opening mail. I don't know what it is but I have a real thing about opening it. I just tuck it away in a drawer conveniently unopened. I'm a good cook but I don't enjoy cooking for one - I live on my own and my bf lives a couple of hours away so I end up living on cereal / takeaway / sandwiches most of the time. I just feel like I'm not great at being grown up. My bf is the exact opposite of me. He's very organised, almost neurotic so we balance each other out. But I worry that I'll end up being a burden. He's happy with me and says I am the best thing that's ever happened to him. But I am just so scared of disappointing him when he realises i'm too immature and irresponsible for him to stay with me. We've been together for 3 years btw.I really want to grow up, but I don't know how. When I was growing up we had a cook and a cleaner and then I went to boarding school for most of my secondary school where it was all taken care of. Maybe I'm making excuses for my immaturity.How can I be more responsible?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, peanut_gallery  +, writes (26 April 2013):
I am not very neat or organized either and I let the mail pile up too. The more it piles up, the more I look at it and it's a vicious circle. In my case I see paying bills and cleaning all the time as part of the rat race. I find it boring and tedious.
You have a good degree and a pretty good job. You made mention of cooks and maids growing up. Could it be that you just consider that stuff to be "beneath" you? "I can't be bothered" is very different from being immature.
Why would you be a burden to your BF? This is why there are cleaning services, dry cleaning shops, laundromats that provide fluff and fold services etc. Nobody likes doing that stuff.
Just my 2 cents.
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