A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 33 year old guy and have been single for almost 2 years. However my 23 year old nephew has recently split from his 26 year old girlfriend and as a result myself and this girl have become very close.I feel myself falling in love with her and after talking with her. It would seem that she feels the same way about me however she says she is still in love with her ex and that it would break his heart if we were to start a relationship.I dont want to hurt my nephew but at the same time I don't want to let this wonderfull woman slip through my fingers when I feel that we could have something really special going on.Any advice on this subject would be much appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): I don't believe you when you say you don't want to hurt your nephew. Know why? Because as adults we have a brain, and our brain dictates our feelings, therefore only we are in control of our feelings, no one else. This girl may have inspired feelings in you, but she is the ex girlfriend of a family member, a nephew who most likely looks up to you. If you were a decent person, you would respect some boundaries here, and you would have never pursued a relationship with any one that he used to date...
Surely there are other women just as wonderful as she in yor community that you could date and have a possible relationship with. This girl does not want you, she got close to you thinking that it was safe due to the boundaries that should have been in place around your relationship with her and her boyfriend who is your NEPHEW...I think if you try and keep her from slipping through your fingers you will both lose, and you will drive a very big wedge in your family, not just with the nephew but with everyone else who knows and cares about the two of you....and I don't think this girl is worth that, she is a girl, and you ought to be a man by know who can make clear decisions based on your internal compass of what is right and what is wrong, it is called having character.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Hello Anonymous,
You are not letting this woman slip through your fingers... Sorry to be so blunt, but she rejected you. Instead of focusing on her, I think you need to focus on something else and just move on. Whether that be focusing on a hobby to get your mind off of her, or focusing on meeting new women, etc is up to you. But she has made it quite clear, in my opinion, that she has no intention of having any sort of romantic relationship with you now or in the future.
Plus, would you really want to be with someone who is still in love with their ex? I don't see how starting off in a relationship like that would be the wise thing to do.
If she wants to get together in the future, then that's great. But don't push her or keep trying to talk her into something that she doesn't want. That may just end up annoying her or making her feel confused. If you really care about her, I can't imagine why you'd want to put her through those sorts of feelings.
Take care.
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