A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm engaged. The wedding is this summer.My fiance and I have been physically separated due to circumstances beyond our control for the past year. In that time, I have become good friends with a woman I work with. We have both often joked that if I were not engaged, we would almost certainly be romantically involved.My feelings for her were pretty latent until recently, when she confessed to me how she felt and kissed me. It felt amazing; I can't even begin to describe it. I can't stop thinking about her. In fact, I think I'm in love with her, and the thought of not being with her romantically hurts a great deal. It's driving me nuts, but at the same time, I don't feel any less connected or in love with my fiance. The whole thing is very, very confusing.My fiance and I have a few religious differences, but nothing major (I don't think). I can't tell if this is just a case of cold feet or if I really need to re-consider my wedding plans. At the same time - in a purely rational, practical sense, for a variety of reasons - I'm not sure being in a relationship with my friend would work out well. It's mostly just an incredibly intense feeling I can't shake. More than anything, I want to be able to remain friends with her if nothing else. I just don't know how to deal with my feelings for her as they stand currently.Anyone have any advice? I'd really appreciate it!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 See here... the mere fact that you think you are falling in love with another girl, tells me that to go ahead with this marriage will be a big mistake!
You cannot be feeling this way & say you truly & deeply love your fiance, or you would not have been tempted in the first place.
You owe it to your fiance to not go ahead with this wedding, even if stuff if paid for etc.. it is only money!
We are talking about your lives here & marriage is meant to be forever...and that is a long time!
You are going to be breaking her heart by calling it off yes, but you are going to save yourselves a lot of future heartbreak as well.
This is a tough call, but you need to get real with yourself & with her.
Hope the new girl is worth it & that she doesn't break YOUR heart!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): Thanks man, I thought I was the only one in this situation!I am getting married in less 2 months time to a girl I have known for 4 "long" years, recently I have become really good friends with a female work colleague who is the total opposite of my fiance, she feels like my missing half as she is so lovely and amazing it kills me.She feels the same way about me and knowing that I can't be with her really hurts as being a "good guy" I know that I shouldn't venture and I need to go along with the wedding which is all paid for!I wish I could help you, damn I wish someone could help me..According to my friend if you are getting married to the RIGHT person you shouldn't be thinking of anyone else.I know the anguish and confusion, it's not a great feeling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): If you love your fiance stop the madness with the coworker and shame on her for trying to break up your relationship. She is selfish. If she will cheat with you she will cheat on you. Your fiance does not deserve this. You should not have allowed yourself to become so close to this other woman. No men to talk too? Break off the friendship now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): Well you have made a very mature decision i must say, the best advice i can give is too just try and distance yourself from this person and tell her that there is no way that you can be romantically involved when you love fiance as much as you do.
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