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I'm from a broken home and find myself attracted to older men but I don't want to be!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 September 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 September 2012)
A age 30-35, * writes:

I am a person with a very mature mind tho I act my age sometimes but my reasoning is very well above my age. I feel older I do not know why like I have been in some past life and I am a reincarnation of my self. Even people who meet me for the first time think am older. This makes me focus on things like marriage, building a house and a lot of things some teenagers haven't even ever thought of doing. I have interest in older men and this scares me to death because they might look at these small girl is just blabbing. I also do not like old men cos I want to be youthful like everyone else. I have never ever in my entire life gone for any party or teenage hangout. This makes me sad as am already approaching the end of my teenage years and have nothing to recall and say this was what I did when I was a teenager. Its more like the body wants but the spirit refutes. I have dated older guys and guys in my age range but am less connected to younger guys. I want a man who has a future like me cos i am from a broken and retarded home where things that don't happen in the world happen. What do you think? Is there something as a past life as I often have trances of my old self with a man I always dream of constantly. Or its just an illusion.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012):

Don't buy any past life or reincarnation theories, I think issue is more straight-forward:

I suspect you are simply yearning for the type of normal family life that those of us who were fortunate to enjoy usually take for granted, such as I did until well into adulthood, when I gradually began to realize just how good I had it as a child and adolescent.

As a teen I had no thoughts of marriage or building a house simply because that was my parents' seemingly dull, boring way of life and I was looking for something new, different and exciting.

Similarly, you are looking for what you haven't previously experienced, but since you're from a "broken" home what you want and are seeking is the exact opposite of teens from functional healthy families such as mine.

You long for the stability and security I always had and as a teen was looking to escape.

I suspect your interest in older men my be the result of your bio-father either being out of the picture or else you have a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship with him and so you are seeking the father's love, approval and affection that every little girl wants and needs.

I suggest you see a counsellor; due to your home life you have a lot of issues of which you may not be consciously aware, and a trained neutral third-party professional can help you talk things through and sort them out and identify the factors motivating and driving your thought processes.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (7 September 2012):

Fatherly Advice agony auntAnonema,

On the other hand many girls feel that they are more mature than their peers. I would say that your prioritizing home, marriage and a solid future, is more of a symptom of your past family life. You yearn for something you have missed. This path has led you to miss something else. You have so strongly rejected the teen scene that you now feel that it was something you needed.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. Planing and working towards a stable future is a good thing. What you are missing is that relationships are part of that future. You have missed out on making friends and having younger relationships.

It's not too late. In fact you are more likely to meet compatible men now. The important thing for you to remember is that you are still in the stage of Friendships and learning. Don't push for long term commitments. Instead concentrate on being Youthful for a few years. Don't try to change your personality, just realize that there is plenty of time to reach your goals.

FA

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (7 September 2012):

rcn agony auntBoth... I believe we've all lived many lives, each one we learn more about who we are, and become closer to the oneness between physical reality, and spirit. We are heading toward a critical time in history. The earth vibrates at a faster rate than ever before, which brings us confusion, and intensifies our emotions. It seems you are attracted to older men, because your maturity is beyond your physical age, therefore you related more to those who understand you, and that you understand.

What you call the illusion is your trying to overcome that over your spirit, with that of this world. It doesn't work that way... Although many people try, they also live with great turmoil. When you are not in line with your self, turbulence in life is created. It's a warning, like sneezing tells you that you have a cold.

My recommendation is to follow your heart, because unlike the ego (mind), our hearts do not lie, and will guide us in the direction we need to be in.

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