A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend. Shes been with her boyfriend for five years. She has cheated on him a few times before(im talking more than a kiss). Recently shes been seeing a guy behind his back for the last three months. She has no intention of breaking up with her boyfriend anytime soon, even though she says she doesnt love him. She talks about other guys and i honestly think she would go with somone else as well as her boyfriend and the other guy. I know her boyfriend and care for him as a friend. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Agree with Dr Pete
If you were in the "boyfriend" shoes you would want to know.
Regardless to whom you are more loyal to, you are not part of their relationship.
Yes the boyfriend should find out the truth but it is not your role to tell him. This should come from his girlfriend.
Tell your girl friend that unless she tell him, you will.
Of course she will not be happy but at least you gave her the opportunity to give her own version her boyfriend. It is more the the choice she did not give you to be involved in this mess.
Also your boy friend will not resent for telling him.
If both friendships survive, you must remain neutral and all you can do is to be there for them. Not an easy task but such is life.
To avoid being put in this situation in the future tell your female friend not to involved you or to use you as "alibi" is was the case.
Angel of Love
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): Do you think your guy friend will want to be your friend any more if he finds out his girlfriend was cheating on him for all this time and you knew and said nothing? Your female friend is being completely selfish by involving you in this way and she has risked your friendship with the guy.
Sadly you need to choose who you are more of a friend to. Are you going to keep this a secret from your "friend" or are you going to help your friend help himself? Put it another way... who seriously would not want to know if their partner was cheating on them? As painful as it is - everyone would rather know the truth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): Friends do help friends. Help him to get out of that relationship so he can find someone more suitable. If he loves her it will be hard to break up with her even if she cheated. But he just has to get out of that relationship. Help him...
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A
male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (23 April 2007):
Its quite a difficult one, as there is every possibility that you are going to get stuck in the middle if someone gets hurt.
First off, if you were to tell him the truth, would he necessarily believe you? Love can do strange things to people in that sense, when I was in a past relationship, there were blindingly obvious signs that my ex was cheating but I wanted to convince myself that I was just being paranoid. If she is that obvious with her flirting, maybe he is in a similar position.
Other than that, I think you could benefit from having a long chat with your friend, try to work out why she needs to cheat in that way, or to stay in a loveless relationship (both suggest a degree of insecurity to me) and try to persuade her to communicate better with her boyfriend?
Good luck anyway
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