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female
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*hia
writes: I have a boyfriend with whom I've been dating for a year now. He's 42 and I'm 30. Also, we were co-workers in the same department. Over the year, I come to realize that he is very flirtatious with other women. At first, our relationship was new, and it didn't bother me. He even asked me, if it would bother me if he was friendly with other women. I said no, as long as I could be friendly with other men. Then, I noticed he was being very friendly with my best friend. When we're all together, he would have brief discussions with her. When it's just him and me, he would ask questions about her. Behind my back, he would spend hours talking to her. Once, she told me jokingly that he picked up her hand as if he was going to kiss it. He did this the night before our trip to Kauai. She told me that he asked her if he was going to see her again before we leave for the trip. When she told me this, it completely spoiled our trip. I didn't want to go anymore. He convinced me to go, and our trip was horrible. Why doesn't he act like that in front of me? Obviously, he's attracted to my best friend. He says it doesn't mean anything, but why is he hitting on her? He's flirtatious with other women too. I learned from one of his girl co-workers that he tends to get into it with people. Also, he's Brazilian. I don't know if it has anything to do with culture, or that he uses that as an excuse, but he's very touchy with people. He told me, when he lived in Florida, that a woman co-worker filed a sexual harassment suit against him for being touchy with other women in the office, which made that woman feel uncomfortable. Just knowing that, makes me feel uncomfortable. One night, he asked me to attend an open house for a development that he was involved in. I couldn't go because of other commitments. He knew that I had other commitments, but asked me anyway. Later that evening, he picked up one of his girl co-workers who lived in the neighborhood to have a drink. I think he had planned this all along, and didn't want me to be there, but asked me out of duty. I wanted to get back at him for being flirtatous with other women. I began flirting with my guy friends and even in some instances in front of him. During the summer, I started going out dancing with my guy friends. He became furious. He told me if that guy doesn't stop asking me out, he was going to kick their butt. I gave him the same answers he gave me. We're just platonic friends. He said it's not the same for men. Men ask women out to get into their pants. I told him it was unfair that he could be flirtatious with other women and I can't with other men. We always end up in useless arguements. I feel miserable doing this to him. But, I wanted to prove my point. Am I going about this the right way?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): Games! Games! Games!
You two are not meant for one another. Move along and find a man that will treat you with the respect you deserve.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 November 2006):
 Well, he wants what he wants for himself but because he knows it's wrong, you can't do it. I don't know how he can argue the point but many people do. In some cultures, this is very common. That is a generalization but it has some truth. He will behave like a child as long as you put up with it. You have to ask yourself why you want to be with a guy who treats you this way.
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