A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need advice on slippery slope of feeling like the last priority.Nutshell: Fiance and I recently moved in together after being LDR for about 2.5 years. Fiance has 2 daughters, I have a son. Prior to the move, Fiance had daughters every other day and every other weekend (for 4 days) He had to move cross country to be with me because I wasn't allowed to move away with my son (custody battle).Fiance is very busy here with a new job, doing college classes, and trying to make time for me, my son, and his kids. He talks to to his daughters every day. Typically for 30 minutes-1 hour. I try to be understanding of this, but it's hard to not feel kind of lonely/neglected since besides this time, the rest of his evening is filled with to do's around the house and homework.I don't mind and I understand his need/desire to be in touch, but I find it excessive. For instance, his kids call/text him multiple times throughout the day. I don't normally mind this too much, but yesterday, they called when we were in the middle of trying to have sex, and he answered the phone-didn't even apologize for doing so. He also told me he had to work on a paper for school straight away and therefore didn't really have time for me-but then he went right and called his girls. I have brought this up, saying we need to set some boundaries etc. He has agreed, but little effort has been made.On one hand I completely understand and I feel like an asshole for even bringing it up. But on the other, I had feeling like I get whatever is "leftover" after he has worked, talked to his kids, done homework, etc.What can I do? I keep hoping that this is just due to a very large adjustment period-but I don't want to think this is how the rest of my life will be (feeling last priority)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2015): Seriously? Im sorry but you sound needy and self centered. He MOVED and LEFT his kids for you. The least you can do is wait while his family and him adjust. How easily you dismissed, "i couldnt leave because of my son." He could have easily said that also, but he didnt. He chose to go with you. So how exactly are you not a priority?
His kids need their father as much, maybe more than you need a fiance. If you arent willing to sacrifice time for him after he left his children; then maybe you should not get married and let him go back to someone who loves him unconditionally. Kids grow up and are naturally less dependent on their parents. How easy it must be for you to judge him being close yto your child.
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