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I'm confused by the mixed signals!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So, last night, my ex that I was with for 5 years came over to my house. He said he was coming over to help me forget at least for a little while about a friends death. He came over at around 10:00pm and left at around 2:00am. He did try to have sex with me, and I would tell him no. Please keep in mind, that I want this man back. It has been a little over 3 months since we have broken up... and we are still in contact with eachother. During the course of the night, we discussed friendship. He agreed that we would give it a try. Every time in the past, (cause we have broken up and gotten back together)we tried to remain friends and always ended up back in a relationship. It would always start out as friends, and then friends with benefits, and then a relationship. Last night, he did something that horribly confused me. At one point in the night, while we were in my bedroom, I said I was cold and was actually shivering. So, instead of letting me get my blanket, he grabbed me and held me, laying on my bed for about 20 minutes. This was his way of keeping me warm, before I stopped it because it hurt to much. My question is, what does it mean? Is there still feeling involved, and does he want me back? Im so confused by the mixed signals and need all the help I can get.

View related questions: friend with benefits, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

No holding cuddling in an FWB? I've never heard that before! Best to ask your ex boyfriend if he wants more. You agreed to friendship and then he asks for sex so that's FWB. Usually there is an attachment but it's usually the female that gets more attached and wants more. You should read all the hundreds of posts here about it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The friends death, is a friend of mine and not of his. He never even knew this person.

I just find it odd because he said that we couldn't be friends that sleep with one another because someone always ends up wanting more (which in our case, happens every time), so I agreed to just friendship, and then he asks to have sex.

I've askedthe advice of a guy friendto explain to me some things about sexual only relationships. He explained that if there is no holding or cuddling involved, that there is no emotional attatchment, but if there is holding and cuddling there then there is definate attatchment. So, I'm confused. I just don't understand things.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

His friend just died, he's most likely not thinking about your relationship, he was just looking for comfort. He's obviously close to you but not in any position to make a relationship decision.

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