A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started out as FWB with this guy seven years ago, but as you can imagine, we eventually fell in love, and despite the fact that we didn’t want to be in a relationship, we became “exclusive” and things started to seem like we were in one, up to the point of even working toghether and being toghether more than 12 hours a day.Now I’m confused and don’t know how to go from here... Why?There have always been highs and lows, but now the lows seem to be longer, and the highs don’t feel high enough anymore to bear the lows. During the lows I used to get so down, immmediately assumed it was me and was afraid he didn’t want to be with me anymore (how messed up is that?), but then I started comforting myself thinking about all the things I could do if I weren’t with him (having friends, working elsewhere, studying abroad), so now I’m feeling like I might be missing out on something.I have tought he’s the man of my life and who I want to be with and have children with, yet again I wonder, Will I be able to stand the next low? Do I want my children to go through that?I’ve been tempted to leave, I won’t lie, but I can’t bring my self to it. I love him very strongly, and he’s the greatest person I’ve met (maybe not emotionally, but in many other ways) so my heart won’t listen to my brain. I feel that he’s sick (probably depression) and it’d be awful of me to leave him when he needs someone. However, I also feel that he has a much greater chance of succeding without me, plus he’ll have greater chances of meeting someone who really fullfills him.I’m no perfect, I’m an ex-depressive fighting everyday to keep my spirits up, I often don’t talk to him enough about what I feel, want and fear because I’m afraid of hurting him or him thinking I’m a bad person and that he was always right I don’t love him and was going be the one to leave him.I’ve been waiting for things to get better economically in hope his mood will get better too, but I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We’re highly prepared, hard-working people, but right now there are days we can’t even afford food. What to do? Do I wait for the money to come in to see if things get better? Or do I start planning my way out and leave both us practically barefooted having to start our lives over?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 I think you need to spend less time with each other. You SHOULD be able to have friends, etc. but instead your time is consumed by your man that you do like, but are finding it harder to see that. If you own a business with him, maybe you guys can switch who works the shop that day. the depression he has and seems to drag you down into is a separate issue, i would really sit down with him tell you you care about him, but he needs to do something about his mood because it's negatively impacting you, too.
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