A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: i would really appreciate some advice.Ok, i was with my 19 year old sons father for 20 years. It was an awful relationship, he was a control freak and was verbally and physically abusive. i left him finally 2 years ago and moved so that he doesnt know where we live. I also left my home town because my son was being bullied by a group of local bullys and my son could not even leave the house without these bullys trying to attack him. My son at this point had also gone and got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant which they both thought was quite amusing even though i had told them both that it it is not a joke to bring up a baby. Anyway my sons girlfirend moved with us and the baby is now 14 months old.I have done my best to help them, helped them with the night feeds when the baby was born, even though i was working til 2am at night. I have took them on short holidays, got them a car and they pay for the insurance and petrol but i pay for tax and any maintenance of the car. i buy alot of the babys clothes, I pay for the internet and phone, tv licence etc... they buy their own food and pay me £15 per week towards the electric. They are on benefits and i have told them that i am no longer willing to pay for the tax and car repairs as i have my own car to pay for and have told them that if they cant afford repairs and tax then they shouldnt have a car. i just dont seem to be able to afford anything for myself. and i work really hard. my son stays up all night on the playstation and gets up in the afternoon. his girlfriend gets up in the morning with the baby but she is always saying to me that shes sick of my son staying in bed all day. so i end up telling my son to get up, sometimes he gets up and sometimes not and i am sick of telling him. he does nothing to help round the house apart from a little bit of hoovering up. he swears at me. they both stay in the house all the time and only go to the shops for food, the baby doesnt even get took any where for a walk in her pram. they never walk anywhere. they dont even like to walk to the corner shop if they need something. my son is at college one evening a week learning barbering which is only for 3 hours a week. there is a job going so he could get some extra cash but i dont think he really wants to do it and his girlfriend says she doesnt want to be on her own while he goes to work because the job is from 5pm til 11pm. but yet they need some extra money as they have nothing. what would other parents do about this situation as i have got to the stage where i dont like to come home.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 I've thought about you such a lot doll how are you getting on I'd love to hear
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (7 February 2010):
You sound like the most gorgeous person who has had a bloody bum deal in life. To me your son is treating you in the same controlling and abusive way that your husband did. That old saying of you made your bed and now you must lie in it must now come true for your son. If he is old enough to have sex and not take the proper precautions and get someone pregnant then he is old enough to deal with it himself. Engineer it so all three of them are out of your house for a day and then change the locks and arrange for all their stuff to be sent to storage. It's time for them all to stand on their own two feet and time for you to live the life you deserve. I'm not saying that you should cut them out of your life but adult children should see their parents at their parents convenience.
Good luck doll and god bless you!
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 They are both being selfish and inconsiderate! You have done plenty for them and it seems as though they don't appreciate it at all.
It's time to stop enabling and put your foot down...especially with your son! Tell him he needs to get a job and support his family or GET OUT!
Tough Love is necessary here or they will never learn to stand on their own! They thought it was a joke raising a baby? Let them see how much it isn't funny!
I also come from an abusive relationship of 16 years and know how traumatic that is. You don't need this now! You should be starting a new life for yourself!
I admire your devotion...but sometimes it keeps kids down and dependent.
I wish you luck and the strength to think of yourself more!
~BG~
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 You need help, have you access to a social worker or counselling or anybody who will be able to be your back up, and support while you work through this. I dont think you are going to change this young couple overnight, its going to be a gradual thing, this is why i am suggesting you need a back up, a support network, find somebody who can help, contact social security and see if they have a social worker, ask the appropriate Govt agency if there is subsidised housing available, you need to take charge of your life before you run yourself ragged over this pair of ingrates.
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