A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I talk to my "best" friend everyday, several times a day. I already submitted a question about whether or not he "knows" how I feel about him. I have been separated from my husband for 8 months (after 16 years of an abusive marriage)and for most of those years I only talked to my friend twice. Now that I am healing, the realization that all of these years (even before I met my husband), I'd been trying to re-create the type of emotionally intimate relationships with every man I dated. I'm caught in this zone of uncertainty. All I can see is losing the emotional intimacy if I disclose my true feelings for him. We laugh and talk like a couple who've been married for years. Should I risk losing what we have by telling him how I feel? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Start by saying "we ought to meet up again some time soon", or something like that. See how he reacts and take it from there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOver the years (since college)we've had this bond that relationships come and go, but our friendship will outlast them all. When I feel the need/pressure to be in a relationship, I try really hard to focus on the guy I'm with, but haven't been able to go beyond the surface of having a physical relationship with limited emotional intimacy -- I'm not proud of the fact that my best friend; well, he's always been my emotional partner. On his end, I wouldn't say that I'm his emotional partner; he trusts me in decision-making and we plan to have a business together. When and if, he does get really involved with another woman, he has said he will tell her upfront that I've always been there and been privy to his personal/business information and that she'll just have to accept our relationship. So, is it even more clear how hard it is for me to keep my feelings to myself?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't physically seen each other in over 12 years. I've lived in 3 different states since '96
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need to provide clarification: my friend and I live about 700 miles away from one another. The hardest thing for me is that except for how I feel about him -- I've kept almost no secrets from him. That's why this is so hard.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (22 April 2008):
You won't risk losing what you have as long as you don't go pouring out all your love and feelings in one go.
Why don't you start by something relatively innocent - look up at him with big eyes and say something like "You're very nice". It sounds silly, put like that, but it gives you the opportunity to watch for a reaction without giving away quite how much you feel. Look straight at him. Pick your moment - when he and you are laughing and smiling, as it goes quiet and just before you turn away from each other. You know that moment - it always happens between friends, and that's the time for those first few innocent words that say nothing but ask everything. Let your eyes ask the real question. If he feels the same, he will probably respond. If he doesn't, then you won't have lost anything.
...............................
|
