A
female
age
30-35,
*amijo
writes:Sorry this is really long, but I really need help!! My husband acts like our son and I are holding him back. When I was pregnant, I went out of town, and he went to the strip club with his friends, and needless to say the cops showed up at our house 2 days afterwards because his friends and him beat the crap out of someone's car. I called him numerous times, and he said that he "couldn't hear his phone." And then I asked him what he was doing, after around 15 calls, he said he has to get his last kicks out. He was never like this until we moved back to his home town. We made a deal that he would be able to go to his friends and do whatever 1 or 2 nights a week. But he still goes over there, like last night, he called me at 10:00 pm and said he was just getting off work, but then I looked at his phone and he was off work at 7:30 pm. He went to his friends house, even though we were out with his friends on Monday and Tuesday, and he lied to me about going out Wednesday, and then tonight he calls me and tells me that he made plans for us to go out with them again. He has went out and gotten drunk with his friends, and gotten high with them too. He acts like his family is holding him back. I have found 7 (yes 7!!) bottles of eye drops (the redness remover kind) in his jeans and coat. I have asked him about them, and he says he uses them at work, but he doesn't wear jeans to work, he is a chef and wears chef's clothes. And he leaves his wallet and ciggarettes on the dryer, but somehow remembers to put the eye drops in his pockets. I have washed his coat numerous times, and he told me that "they have been in there since the summer" and if they were, I would've noticed them in the pocket, since I empty out all of the pockets, and the label would've been messed up, and yet it wasn't. I am really at my wits ends with this crap. He lies to me all of the time, and I am so sick and tired of it. I tried leaving him the last time I found the eye drops, and he was out disc golfing with his friends. I went to pick our son up form his parents and they wouldn't let me leave with him until my husband and I talked. He was supposed to meet me there, and he didn't care that I was going to leave him and take our son. He never showed up to talk. If anyone has any advice, I really need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Good for you. Just remember that he never changes when you are tempted to go back. Stick to your guns girl and dont back down. You have to do whats best in the long run for you and that baby. No one will protect you but you, and no one will look out for you but you. Good luck to you....J
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female
reader, samijo +, writes (8 May 2009):
samijo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have left, and he says he will change, and everything, but it never happens. And like an idiot, I come back, and after a few days, everything goes back to how it is. Its like a never ending circle. And I really don't know what to do anymore. He is also addicted to playing his Xbox 360. He will sit on that thing for hours on end, and like if I go downstairs to shower, he will let our son cry until I come back up. So I can't even take a relaxing shower because I know I need to come back up right away. It is so annoying. And right after our son was born he had the nerves to say he is a burden. I couldn't believe it. But anyways when I do leave, he wants me to come back the first night, and I wait a few days, and everytime I make it longer that I am away. But it always come out the same way, and it goes back to the same old ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): hey, if ur husband didnt seem to care that u were going to leave with his son, then i wouldnt understand why u would be with him still. maybe he doesnt want to married....or maybe he's not ready. i know when a guy goes out with friends they influence them to do things that they shouldnt be doing. its just boys being boys, but if u are tired of this and cant handle it anymore then u shouldnt. i keep telling people on this thing that people dont deserve to be unhappy. a marrage is 50 50 and if ur husband isnt giving his half than why try on something thats not going to work. talk to him. make sure u want to end this before u make any serious decisions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): In this instance I would have to say that you should leave him. Normally I am all about working it out. But my marriage was like that. My husband would constantly lie to me to spend time with his friends and smoke pot. All the while I was stuck home taking care of the kids. Now I am not necessarily saying that you should leave forever but he needs to realize what he has and what he could lose with you and your son gone. Can you take the baby and stay with your parents for awhile? Give you both some time to clear your head and decide what you want and where you want to go from there?
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