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I'm afraid my boyfriend won't want to try again after miscarriage in unexpected pregnancy.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Had an unexpected pregnancy with partner when our relationship was quite rocky. A shock to us both, he especially had a really hard time coming to terms with it, and was really unhappy and unaccepting for the first several days. He said he was "inconsolably angry at himself" for "letting" it happen, by not using a condom in addition to BC. After a 3-7 days or so, he had gradually become very supportive pf the situation and we'd talked about it in depth and had agreed on a plan of action to work through it together. We've felt closer to each other these last couple weeks and it has been very good for us both.

This pregnancy has brought us together, essentially. Although we were scared about the preg at first, we had become happy about our prospective child together, and I especially was just ecstatic after we had had established stability. I miscarried recently and I want to try again and I'm scared he wont want to. Our experience has proven that we find happiness together and with a child, so why wouldn't he want to try again with me. I feel as though I'm getting older, and I have already terminated one pregnancy (at the very beg. of our relationship 4 yrs ago) and now a miscarriage with him, and I'm becoming desperate because I want to have children so much and am afraid I need to try soon or else I may never have them.

I am so scared, because I had become attached to the prospect of having a child with him, and I am terrified of him changing his mind now. What if he isn't ready anymore, even when he WAS ready several weeks ago when we were expecting? How should I approach him regarding this issue, because I don't want to be accusing or make him feel like Im pushing him. I just feel very desperate and scared, because I know we're ready, and he just has cold feet.

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A male reader, holikdad United States +, writes (29 June 2009):

Try getting married first, if he won't marry you then why would you want his child? That doesn't make any sense, if he won't commit to a marriage then why do you think he'll be a good provider and father to your child?????

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