A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a fiance. We will marry after one year. He once asked me on chat whether i m virgin or not because he can predict virginity.i asked him how could u? He told me that virgin girls bleed on first night and non virgin doesn't bleed. So if u won't bleed that means u r not virgin and u had sex before. I said nobody touched me ever. I m virgin. He said he will see and i don't need to tell him anything. I seriously never did sex with anyone. Even I never talk with any guy face to face. This i searched on internet that some virgins too not bleed while having sex for first time.Some r born widout hymen. And sometimes hymen torn with vigorous exercises. This made me scared as I use to play a lot and did exercises. If I wouldn't bleed he will accused me of not being a virgin and will leave me. I don't want this to happen as I love him more than my life.Plz help how can I prove my virginity in front of him and how can i check myself if m virgin or not? or if I have my hymen or not ? or whether I will bleed or not?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): I've just watched the documentary made with the parents of the girl who was gang raped in India, and murdered in the most brutal and horrible way by men who were convinced she deserved it and they were doing nothing wrong. I cried watching this documentary. And I rejoiced inside when I saw images of women AND men, together, protesting for women to be given equality.I am sorry, but the backward, sexist culture in your country sickens me. The way that the majority of men treat women is so disgusting, it is sick. I grew up always enchanted by India, always wanting to travel there. Now, nothing on earth would make me visit, except possibly to join a protest about the way women are treated.This horrible man, who says you should bleed if you are a virgin, is already intimidating you and making you feel frightened of what he will do if you cannot meet his ridiculous and sexist standards. Why are you marrying a man like this, who will always find ways to make you live in fear? You are not even married yet and already he is making you feel inferior to him.I agree with the other respondent who said to tell your parents. If this is an arranged marriage then it should be stopped. And no, absolutely it is not true that female virgins bleed when they first have sex. And this is what makes me angry - that this ignorant man is frightening you with something that is not even factually correct.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (12 March 2015):
okay, I know what you're going through and don't sweat it. He is just trying to make you even more conscious and trying to boost that shitty male ego a lot of indian men seem to have. !st of all no one can predict a virgin. and by the sound of it, he seems experienced. maybe you should get him to talk about that. and you have to tell him that it shouldn't matter at all if you are virgin or not, especially considering he isn't. And I understand he is your fiance and everything, but do you really want to be with a guy who is trying to torment you over such a thing?? please do not give up on your self respect for someone who is as narrow minded.
your word should be proof enough for him, or he doesn't deserve you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Is he a virgin, by the way?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 March 2015):
Is this an arranged marriage? Because if it is, I would go to your parents and tell them you don't wish to marry an ignorant peasant who believes falsehoods, folk tales and fairy tales.
If it is a love match then I would tell him to his face that he needs to snap out of his backwards thinking and get current with medical FACTS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): I think you should take that misogynist backward-thinking
chauvinist to your gynecologist; and let it be explained to him by a professional. His point is to intimidate you as a female, by placing your purity and values under question. It is an attempt to place shame upon you into having sex to prove yourself; even if he is totally wrong about his idiotic prediction. He has no idea what he's talking about!!! I'm bristling with irritation at such ignorance and utter arrogance!!!
I am sorry you are placed in such a position to make you worry about something that isn't even always the case.
Is this man to be your husband by prearrangement; or did you actually fall in-love as a couple?
You're not going to have sex with him until after marriage, I presume? Or is this some ploy to make you have to prove your innocence by allowing him to have premarital-sex with you? If he sees no blood; then all he has to do is leave.
He will claim it was because you weren't a virgin.
Under no circumstances should you allow him to take your virginity before marriage. He will soil you and leave; taking no responsibility after deflowering you. He'll claim you were not a virgin when he tested you. He may try to ruin your reputation in your community. Be wise young lady!
If you chose him yourself, and it was not prearranged; you have the option to break your engagement and send him on his way.
Want no man so bad you'll destroy yourself as a woman. You'll live miserably; like so many wives who live underfoot and getting less respect than a pet dog. Hold strong. You know you're a virgin. Don't worry.
You may think you love him now; but you will detest the very air he breaths, once he becomes your husband. If you allow him to make you feel only his feelings matter. Yours do too!
Just in case he's up to something, here's more advice.
If you refuse to have premarital-sex, I predict he will say you refused; because you are afraid he'll find out you're not a virgin. Tell him you'll save yourself for someone who believes you. Just don't allow him to put fear in you. It is his way of taking control over your will, and asserting his authority over you. You must follow your cultural traditions to the letter. Remain a virgin until marriage. Since that's what he expects.
REPEAT...DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM UNTIL AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED!!! PERIOD!!!
If he demands a virgin, then that's what he will get!
On your wedding night! He'll just have to wait and see.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2015):
 This is the time where I wished like hell that losing virginity would make a man rip something inside his penis. This sort of injustice that's been perpetrated for thousands of years on women is and will forever be horrendous.
I respect your culture, and I know that no amount of outrage on my part will solve your dilemma. You ARE a virgin if you've never had sex. Girls lose their hymen by not being born with one, or losing it in athletics or even minor injury down there. A hymen can be broken with something as simple as not applying a tampon correctly.
You can go to the doctor to get examined - he can tell you that your hymen is there, and they even have surgery to repair a hymen if there has been trauma (or in some instances - to simulate virginity).
Your fiance needs to be educated. If he has access to a computer, he can be shown a ton of information confirming that not all virgins bleed, even ones with a hymen. You can also ask your doctor to "certify" you as having a hymen as well.
He is not a doctor. He can truly not figure out whether you're a virgin any more than you can figure out whether he is.
Don't sweat it. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin, and whether he believes or not is irrelevant. If he's stupid enough to leave you because you didn't shed the prerequisite amount of blood that he deems proper, then it's his loss. He needs to love you for you and not his ability to tear you.
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