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I'm a nice bloke and get on with girls very well but seem to be crap at chatting them up, what am I doing wrong??

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Question - (27 December 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *o3y writes:

Hello Iam a nice bloke (even if I do say so myself) Ive got a fantastic friend who I love very much she is a girl and she see's me as a friend. Ive only ever had one serious relationship. I get on with girls very well but seem to be crap at chating them up. what am I doing wrong?????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

Quit the chatting up aspect because it is so obvious and off putting and will never make a woman feel special (more like the 32nd person you've spoken to that evening). I think eye contact (without over staring) is really important and really showing interest in what a woman is saying. The art of conversation - not just chatting someone up. Confidence in a man (without him being overly assertive or aggressive) is really attractive - him being self assured. However the single most attractive thing to me (its only my opinion) is manners - proper manners!! I bore my friends rigid with this but it is so important. It says "I care, I'm sexy, I know how to treat a woman, I'm kind, I'm confident, I show respect" all wrapped into one delicious parcel. It wouldn't matter how well dressed or good looking or 'chatty' a guy was if he had no manners he could just take a walk.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (27 December 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntYou are only making women feel comfortable with you, and you are not making them feel attraction for you. THey see you as a friend, and not a lover, because you bring out the "mothering" instinct in women. They only way to get a girl that already sees you as just a friend is to put some distence between the two of you, learn to address women's emotional needs, and THEN let her re-enter your life once you have significantly changed so that she has to re-categorize you all over again. Only in that window of opportunity can you turn this around, unless she already likes you which is unlikely.

-Frank B Kermit, author of From Loser to Seducer

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