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I'm experimenting with my sexuality and my bf was first ok with me dating other men as well, but now he has changed his mind! Is it wrong of him to change the rules halfway through, or am I just being unreasonable?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Long distance, Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 December 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2007)
A male Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm bisexual and recently entered into a long distance relationship with a guy on the proviso that i be allowed to experiment with other guys because i have no sexual experience and am still in the middle of discovering who i am.

At first he agreed, but then about three weeks into the relationship before i had actually done anything he changed his mind. He started to get really jealous and possessive and says he can't handle the fact that someone else gets to be with his boyfriend before he does

I don't have any prospect of seeing him within six months but i don't think i could stand waiting that long. Is he asking too much of me? Is it wrong of him to change the rules halfway through? Or am i just being unreasonable???? Any help would be appreciated!!

View related questions: jealous, long distance

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A male reader, lboy United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2007):

lboy agony auntdear reader,

i think you might be getting a little unreasonable this guy might have agreed to those terms at first before he really knew you but now that he does he may like you alot and has realized that he doesn't want to have to go every minute of everyday picturing you with another man, you really do need to put yourself in his shoes if you found someone that you really liked that was far away and after sayin it was an open relationship you realized how much u liked him, would you want the thought of him with someone else on your mind all the time???? this guy must really like you and besides you hadn't done anything yet so what is there to get all flustered about??? he likes you, you obviously like him or you wouldn't be with him. i say you drop the open relationship and start spendin more time talkin to him and gettin to know him, maybe you'll start to feel the way he does and if not then just let him down gently by sayin u've started to like him alot and cannot bare the fact that you can't just hold him in your arms whenever you want to, i think that is the best way to go. anyway thats all the advice i have for now so good luck and write back and let us all know what happens cos we like to know we helped lol.

good luck

lboy

xxx

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (27 December 2007):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntend this as it sounds like the only depth is on his side of the relationship. These long distance scenarios are difficult enough for a well established relationship to persist but this sounds like your gonna hurt him badly and then feel controlled and irritated

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A male reader, aim Philippines +, writes (27 December 2007):

aim agony auntWow. I actually dont need to post any advice any more since even from the very first person who have posted advice for you, they are indeed such great advice for you.

Again, you are still in the process of exploring and discovering your self. So, you should not be limited to this long-distance relationship.

Just paraphrasing Midget Gems' words: If you really feel you have to end this relationship to be able to know yourself better, then go end it. If you see yourself in this kind of relationship, then just stay and hold on with this guy.

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A female reader, red1982 United Kingdom +, writes (27 December 2007):

Why have you entered a relationship with someone when you are clearly not ready to be in one yet?? You are young and wanting to have fun and I don't blame you one bit.

It's not unreasonable that you want to experience dating different men especially when you have just come out, but it does seem unreasonable that you expect him to be OK with you doing this when he obviously really likes you.

Long distance relationships are really hard work - even when you both love each other a lot, and you don't even have that as a starting point.

My advice is stay single for a while, have fun, date different people and work out what it is you want out of a partner; and when you meet someone that you can't stand to be away from and makes everyone else pale into the background then enter an exclusive relationship.

Good luck

x

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