A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:A little confused about my b/f's behavior. Been together 5 years, things going fairly well overall. But I've noticed lately when we go out with other couples to party on Friday night, my b/f is a dream; sweet, romantic, flirtaeous with me. But when we go out alone, he becomes belligerent and argumentative over the most trivial things and we end up in a huge fight before the night is over with. WTF?....The next day he acts like nothing but doesn't apologize and I usually try not to hold it against him since we were both drinking. When I've tried to call him on it the day we just end up in another fight and it hardly seems worth it to rehash the stupidity of the night before. I just don't know how to break the cycle. I can't really blame it on the alcohol because he drinks the same amount when we're out with other people and he's fine. When he drinks at home, he's fine. I just don't get it.
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female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (18 April 2009):
Your boyfriend cares more about his public image than his private image. How long has this been going on for?
The exact thing happened to me. Except my boyfriend was also verbally abusive to me in private. Ie. do these arguments have any put-downs, name-calling or harrassment towards you? Is the argument always YOUR fault according to HIM? Is so my friend his behaviour is becoming textbook.
To outsiders he appears to be the most charming, intelligent, sweetest man they've ever met right? And that's probably how he acted to you when you first got together right? And then it gradually changed and he would only put on the charm when you are out in public with other people so that everyone else still believes he really is this charming man...however they will never see this other side. When he is now with you he thinks he can act as rude as he wants right? Because my guess is that this behaviour didn't start until he "really had you" so to speak or you were so head over heels with him that he figures you wouldn't ever leave because you have so far put up with it.
I put up with it for 8 months. It got worse. You need to sit him down and talk to him about it. be serious, give him another chance & if he can't show any initiative of change---then he never will change. It's up to you if want to put up with that for the rest of your life.
Good luck
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