A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30 yr old woman who is not married and I'm staring to get a little anxious. I have had 3 serious relationships in my life and without going into detail, they just didn't work out. I have now been single for a little over a year. I know you can get married at any age and any time but I would really like to have kids before it gets too late. I would only want kids with a man who I'm married to and have been with for a while.I don't want to rush into anything but I feel like I need to start getting the fall rolling. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (27 September 2015):
 Hi again,
you can also have your own eggs retrieved and frozen, but do so before you're 46, as otherwise, your only main option to getting pregnant, will be to use 'donor' eggs.
In most Westernised and Industrialised nations that perform IVF, you cannot be over 46 and it is because of the legalities involved, however, it may vary slightly from country to country, state to state and region to region.
If you wish to find out more, regarding this option, please research what is available to you, in your own area of residence.
I know you've not mentioned anything about IVF, nor have you asked about it, however, i thought to add this info, because if you did end up marrying much later in life, then at least you know what's available to you.
Again, i wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Welcome to the club.I think every 30 yr old girl thinks that way.. when in actuality we could be having mindless hot sex with a boytoy. But I think the need to have already been married has been injected in us so much we forget about just living.I won't tell you to go out and sleep with guys... which you totally can if you want to... of courseWhat I would suggest is please... go and do things you have always wanted to do... learn ballet, learn piano, travel to paris, earn money, spend some,,, do things...this is the only time you will ever ... EVER... get to do those things... Secondly go ahead and put yourself out there.Don't have to exclaim you want to be in a relationship, but be open to the idea of a relationship. Not marriage.. relationship. Be open and you will find happiness.I know this doesn't mean you will get married and have babies and live the life we are supposed to live... but doesn't mean we have to be miserable.Every cloud has a silver lining. :)Relax and chill. The right guy is there I am sure of it. Just be ready to grab him when you see him. And you can only see him if you go out :P
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (26 September 2015):
Hi,
i will let you know, that you are not too old to have children and even if you did marry a little later in life, you'd still be able to have children.
It can get harder to conceive as we age, however, it is commonly and widely assumed in Western culture, that if a woman is over 35, 40 and beyond, that she will most likely never get pregnant and that she's simply over the hill and it's just too late, especially from a fertility standpoint.
There are now many professionals and ordinary people, who do know, that it is actually possible to get pregnant, even when we are of a more advanced age.
What is crucial though, is to be in good general health, to still be menstruating and regardless of age, as menstruation is mother natures way, of letting us know that we still have fertility within us and that we still have eggs remaining within us.
You would want to have testing done for egg quantity and quality too, just to truly increase your chances of natural conception, but there are many women who are still very fertile even over 35 and 40.
Regardless of your egg quantity and/or quality, you still have a very real chance of conceiving, especially if you are having sex very regularly.
The statistics do not say you have 0% chance, so there is always a chance, however minimal.
One 40 year old may actually be as fertile, if not more, than a woman many years younger, simply because that's how the more mature womans fertility works.
It's not always about her age alone, it has much to do, with her overall health too.
Many younger men/women smoke, drink to excess, do drugs and these habits alone, can be drastically lowering, possibly even damaging their fertility, hence my comment about a more mature person, who avoids any of these habits, hence still having a better reproductive cycle and healthier reproductive organs.
I have a number of very interesting articles, regarding pregnancy and the older woman and man.
A few of them, came out of Harvard and Oxford Uni.
Men can also play a part in not conceiving, especially if they are over 50, as sperm quality diminishes as they age too and even the qauntity and mobility, which is so fundamental to assisting in the success of conception.
These facts imply that both the man and the woman, if of mature age, should both be tested fertility wise, just to rule out anything more serious, hence a better outcome.
A story about the fashion designer, Collette Dinnigan has just come to my mind.
She married a younger man at approximately 47 yrs of age and initially they went to IVF i believe, to have their fertility checked over.
Collette's husband, via Australian Story, mentioned that the fertility experts said it's too late for her, there is nothing they can do, she is not going to be able to receive assistance to get pregnant, so she and her husband walked away and pretty much accepted what was said and gave up hope to some degree.
Once they stopped stressing and worrying about not getting pregnant, after a relaxing few weeks abroad, of which Collette's husband encouraged her to enjoy, as she wanted to continue working, Collette found out that she was pregnant at 48 and she fell pregnant naturally and supposedly against all odds!
Now, this story is not a one off, not by a long shot.
There are 'many' older women who fall pregnant and the media will never tell us.
They actually can and do get pregnant and yes, naturally, over the age of 40.
Sure there will be many older women who do require assistance in one form or another, however, with the amazing medical technology available to us at present, to assist women in getting pregnant and this is being updated annually, more and more mature women, especially those who didn't get pregnant earlier in life, or for those who wanted more children later in life, or within a second or third marriage, this has now become a reality and certainly a possibility.
There are also many things Drs can do, to prepare a mature womans body for pregnancy.
There are drugs that prepare the lining of the uterus and thicken it ready for implantation, drugs that regulate hormone fluctuations, menstrual timing and a host of other things that have been proven to work.
You may wish to check out the drug, 'Clomid'. Very interesting and successful results indeed!
One of the main factors, of not getting pregnant over 40, is because the womans ovulation cycle could shortened, be out of whack, so with certain drugs, her menstrual cycle can be lengthened to give her egg enough time to ripen fully, thus allowing successful release within her fallopina tube/s.
Obviously, if there is no egg present, although millions of sperm present, there can be no meeting of egg, sperm, nor any successful chance of both fusing, making their way into her uterus, thus a real chance at successful attachment to the uterine wall.
If you are older and finding it harder to conceive, i always suggest seeing your Dr first and getting a referral to an IVF centre/clinic for further tests, just to rule out anything sinister that is impeding with successful pregnancy.
IVf can do the basic tests for you, even if you do not wish to partake in it fully.
IVf is invasive, strong drugs are used on occassion and there has been much evidence to suggest that although the general public know of this organisation and many have tried it, some successful, some not, many don't know, that many of the medicines used and many of the invasive tests, can actually make it harder to conceive and not to mention the stresses involved.
I have even heard from numerous medical sources at seminars that IVF, if not performed in the least invasive and most natural manner, could potentially muck up your fertility for good, so caution should be taken prior to proceeding.
We aren't told every insider secret by the media, nor by every medical person, so how could we possibly know how far or how far not to go, with any medical procedure and it does make sense, when you think about it.
It's a bit like the blind leading the blind. We all believe what the media tell us, even though, it may not necessarily always be correct and precise information.
Also, in Afghanistan and many parts of Africa, South America and Asia, you will see that in many poor, remote areas, women over 40, are getting pregnant and giving birth regularly and they don't have any medical assistance in falling pregnant.
I learnt at a medical seminar in the US, that we Westerners are exposed to too many toxins in different forms and shapes, thus lowering a womans fertility, but if all of these toxins are removed from her environment, she has a much higher chance of getting pregnant naturally and it most often does happen.
In basic terms, her body is capable of repairing and reversing any done damage and can do it's job again, the way that mother nature intended.
There is a fairly well known lady, named Sharon Dee, living in the US, who fell pregnant much later in life, even after the ferility experts told her she will never have any children. She is not even fertile anymore, the fertility experts told her!
She defied those comments and statistics and did get pregnant, both times, much later in life.
She is now helping woman around the world, to follow her regime, if they wish for a successful pregnancy, even when the experts tell you it's too late.
I know my comments may shock and/or even upset many and cause a stir, but it is not i, who makes these strong claims, these facts come from experts in thre field, have occurred and can be proven.
I do not wish to be, nor sound controversial. I simply mention what i have learnt and what i know, as a medical person.
You should check out Sharon Dee and if you msg me privately, i will send you more information, regarding older women conceiving naturally and defying the odds, even IVF!
Btw, these old wives tales about older women not being able to get pregnant, which btw, back in the 1800s meant as young as 28, 30 or 33, is no longer current, yet most people out there, still hang onto these ridiculous old views about conception and that's why you'll often, if not always hear older persons saying, oh, you better hurry up and get married soon, otherwise you won't be able to have a baby. You'll be too old!
They don't know any better, as this was a part of their generations belief.
It's what they were taught.
To top this story off, i am now in my 40s, my husband and i, were told by almost everybody to try IVF, as i didn't have a hope in hell of getting pregnant at 40+.
Well, 6 mths into our marriage, i did fall pregnant and naturally. I was ecstatic to say the least. I then knew that yes, it was very possible to get pregnant.
Btw, relaxation is one of the biggest setbacks to falling pregnant at any age, as even younger women, can have difficulties falling pregnant quickly.
I relaxed, i took all toxins out of my life, my environment, i started getting proper sleep, i ate healrthily/well and i exercised regularly.
I have always done all of these things, however, it became more of a regiment, whilst i was trying to conceive and we were very blessed.
I always say, never say never! You just never know what's around the corner.
I never thought in my wildest dreams, that i would be having another child, over 23 yrs after my first born!!
I am super fit/healthy for my age group, i have never spent one night in a hospital ward and i thank God for that daily, so i never gave up hope, i was always very optimistic and i truly believe that optimism and perseverence pays off.
You want to get out more and try to meet a man that you share some common ground with, because if you don't get out and about, you'll never get a chance to meet anybody, thus lessening your chances of marriage and a baby.
Remember that the womans body, regardless of fertile age, was actually designed and programmed to be able to conceive well into advanced age, but with the advent of modern day living, and all we're exposed to everyday, it's little wonder that a womans body cannot do it's job properly and that is to get her pregnant, if she should want to.
Who says it's not possible as we age? We say that, not mother nature!
To give you another example.
What do you often hear Drs tell their disabled patients?
Your chances of walking again are pretty slim. In fact many Drs will say, you will most likely never walk again, to you will never walk again and i am sure that most of us, have either heard or seen the total opposite, with our own ears and eyes.
The patient again, defied the odds. This is quite commonplace too.
After all, we are only human, we don't know every single thing, despite our credentials.
What we eat, is just as important and it's a well known fact these days, that the over comsuption of sugar is very bad for us, from a fertility and biological stadpoint.
Sugar makes us age faster than we ought and it's what's going on internally that is the real issue.
What we cannot see.
I would strongly encourage you to do some googling and some face to face, plus online research.
Maybe visit your GP to and have a wee chat with he/she, about your overall concerns.
I hope this bit of information has assisted you in some small way.
I do wish you success on every front and please let me know how you get on.:-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Hi there,I'm in the same boat. My last relationship went horribly wrong-he ended it, went for another girl, then suddenly died. During the intense grief, which is on-going, I turned 31. I had the same anxious feelings as you even before things went bad in my life. Now, those feelings are even stronger coupled with grief and feeling damaged.What I mean to convey is that you are not alone. I agree with other posters- you can't force things or rush things out of fear. If you do you run the risk of a setting yourself up for an unhappy marriage.Society is obsessed with posting their lives on social media and I'm sure you see your friends and family getting engaged, getting married, starting families and that might add to your anxiety. Your relationship ended and I'm sorry to hear that but now, after a year of reflection, you have a fresh start and sharpened perspective on what does and does not work for you in relationships. You will need this perspective when you start dating again. Take some time to write down what you're looking for. I'm a firm believer that dating is much more efficient in your 30's. People know what they want and tend to avoid wasting time. Be that person when you start dating again. And do just that. Put yourself around other people. Look your best. Try your best to stay confident and don't panic. Ask people to fix you up, as awkward as that can be, and try your hand at on-line dating (many people have success with it). I've been in 7 weddings by age 31 and sad to say 2 of those have ended in divorce. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic but only reminding you that slow and steady wins the race. Nothing is as it seems. Many people feel anxious about being married by a certain age then go and marry whoever they can find. Pace yourself and keep your chin up.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 You know what, don't worry about it at all. I am getting married in less than a week(!!) to a man that I met when I was 32. I too had a few bad relationships behind me and I didn't really think I would meet anyone who I really wanted to marry, until I met my fiance.
Its never too late to meet someone. Ask your friends to set you up with someone that might think is right for you, join a hobby club, go trekking/hiking with a group of like-minded people...all in all, be open to meeting new people anywhere that you can. I met my fiance at my place of work, so you never know, you might just meet the future husband in the most unexpected places.
One bit of advice to you would be, don't be too rigid in your approach. Don't have a strict timeline of "this is when I want to get married and then is how many years I want to be married before I have children and this is how I want things to be exactly". Look, you're already 30 so realistically, you'll be considerably older by the time you start having kids. There's nothing you can do about it; you cant turn back time so just go with the flow.
All the best to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): I know that your clock is ticking so to speak, and as a woman you are hardwired to want to "nest. There's nothing wrong with that....you are who you are and that's great. The only advice I can give you is to not let desperation take over your judgment. Life is great with kids, but it's not the end of the world either if you remain single.
I know women who settled down to have kids with "nice guy" or good "providers", and a lot of them woke up in middle age and divorced their husbands. Why? Because they weren't really compatible, or attracted to their mates. The decision was pragmatic and it came back to bite them. Make sure you're really compatible and great friends first.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 I'm sorry your previous relationships didn't work out. Do you know what went wrong?
Don't worry though. Mr Right is probably in the wings waiting. You are right not to rush into things. It is also true that women are often having their children later these days so don't be pressured.
Good luck finding the partner for you.
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