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I'm 30 and I need to grow up, I've lost the love of my life!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 August 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

God ive f*****g ruined my life.or any chance of getting my girlfriend back. I tell u she is the best thing thats happened to me and i screwed it up. B4 i met her i slept around with lots of girls i mean nearly 100. I had nothing really ive got two kids by two different women. Done drugs. She came into my life. And i never had felt this way b4 i was madly in love with her she showed me something i never knew. I was able to be myself for the first time show my feelings. As i could never to with anyone else shes really got me. Anyway i treated her bad went of with my mates left her to be on her own a lot. Didnt invite her to anything. Im scared of what she might think or see. We dont live in the same town and i am a known as a womaniser and i wouldnt want her to bump into all my exs as ive had most women in the small town. Plus i dont want my mates seeing me showing affection to one girl i love. Cos i still like my reputation! I need to grow up. Dont know what im worried bout.

Anyway we spilt up cos i treated her bad and she wanted more and i could see she was so unhappy cos she truely loves me. She put up with so much. She took on my two kids aswell. Months have gone by and i miss her terribly .so ive gone and slept around again cos i cant have the one i want. Honestly noone will ever compare to her! She did everything for me. I begged her back and after me saying i would change i want to so much. We got back together we talked more about the future.even getting engaged. She was devastated when she found out id been with 13 more women! But yet again she did everything. But i started again letting her down. Going out getting drunk with my mates. I couldnt be arsed to go and c her. So we spilt again. I dont know whats wrong with me. I love her like crazy. The other girls dont meant anything but with her is such a feeling ive never had b4.im messed up. Shes blocked me from everything. And i heard she been ill had a breakdown over this. I want her back!im 30 and need 2 grow up help ive lost the love of my life!

[Moderator's Note: Poster is clearly male and not female as implied at the top of the page]

View related questions: a break, drugs, drunk, engaged, got back together, my ex, womaniser

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009):

This is what is going on with me right now. We are both seniors. Yes in our 60's. He broke things off with me.

He has a drinking problem for a long time. He quit drinking for five months when we were together. Was wonderful. I left for AZ. He was to follow a month later. His neighbors friends which are much younger than he. Got him into drinking once again. He has a couple of step kids who doesn't want him to have anyone. Is called inheritance. I loved him not for his money. I loved him for just being him. He was like an old shoe. Comfortable.

I cannot live with some who has to drink most of his waking hours. Is his choice to drink. He has to have a back bone with it comes to his stepkids and his friends. He is a follower not a leader. I cannot change him. He has to want to change himself. He is really messed up. Sometimes we may lose that love of your life if you keep your old ways. Yes time to grow up. YOU CAN DO THIS. you will never find that kind of love again. I guarntee it. So please change your ways my friend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009):

wow.. that sounds incredibly similar to what im going through at the moment.. except the girl has run off with an ex-friend of mine.

Go and talk it through with a psychologist, theyll be able to tell you why you do the things you do. Why you take things for granted and why you dont appreciate love when it smack bang hits you in the face.

This story is so so similar to what i am going through. Go and see a psychologist and he will help you make sure you never make the same mistake again.

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A female reader, bambi1980 United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2009):

bambi1980 agony auntHi, You have to be prepared for the fact she won't give you a third chance. You're messing with her life and if you are truly sorry and willing to put in that extra effort to change you need to do something about it. Think of the consequences if you carry on like this? You could end up with more children, STDs or just generally lonely and feeling like you've wasted your life. Would your mates do the same? If they are true mates they'll stick around and understand that you want to make a go of it with her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009):

I think you first need to find out if you are ready to "grow up". If you love her but you still want to keep the lifestyle you have had until now maybe you are not ready to settle just yet.

Think hard about it and ask yourself if you are able to commit to her. If you are, tell her and prove it to her, then you won't lose her.

Good luck!

Keep us posted!

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A female reader, Jolin Saint Lucia +, writes (6 August 2009):

Jolin agony auntI think she loves you very much, but yknow everyone has the limit..

i guess, the first thing to do is dealing with your maturity problems. You must work hard to erase your bad habit and bad attitude. Then, show her that you already change, and have a steady life..i.e: you dont get drunk anymore, no sleep around anymore, and be a good guy.

hopefully, if you can prove her that you have changed she can accept you. Good luck! ^-^

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