A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am a 25 year old female and I have never been kissed. It's not for a lack of trying, as I have put my self out there several times in hopes that when I do the guy will respond positively. Never happens. They always tell me the same thing "you're such a friend, I don't wanna ruin that." this has happened pretty much my whole life. It has only truly began to bother me lately as the guy I like now I really really like! He is single amazingly funny and extremely handsome. Like everyone notices! He works with me so we see each other in the office all the time. Due to my track record I didn't want to say anything, but all my friends and family were encouraging me to. Also my other co-workers were insistent that we have amazing chemistry and that we act like we are dating so I should totally ask him out. I did, only for history to once again repeat itself. He told me he wants to be friends. I play it off lime it's fine but inside I still have really strong feelings for this guy and I want him. It makes me feel inadequate or like something is wrong with me when I keep getting rejected by the guys I like. I'm a very friendly person, I'm not horrible looking and I'm very low maintenance. I have a job and I can engage in an intellectual conversation or enjoy the beauty that is cartoons. Why don't guys like me? I mean what should I do? I hate to say give up on trying to find love but I just don't think I can take the heart break anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I'm going to try offering totally strange advice. Normally I would say the typical..."oh, it's not a big deal you'll find the right person...blah, blah, blah..."
So I'm going to try a completely different approach & hopefully it'll be helpful in some strange way.
Could it be that you're actually not noticing the guys you ARE attracting? It sounds weird, but let me try to explain further.
Often, we look for people we find ridiculously attractive or traits we admire but they're not what we really "click with" so to speak. Perhaps there are men out there that you are attracting but you're not really giving them the time of day? Maybe you just need to be more open to possibility - love at first sight isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes, you meet someone really special & you don't know it until you take a leap of faith and actually spend time with them.
I'm not trying to indirectly call you shallow or anything (please don't think that!) but maybe, as the cliche states, you're just looking for love in the wrong places.
I can understand your frustration - I'm sure you're completely sick of the "lets just be friends" line.
In my own experience I "dated" a guy that I thought was cool but didn't really think twice about a relationship with him...two years later I called him up and next thing I knew we were dating and getting pretty serious & just over a year later we're still together.
I was in a somewhat similar position to you, a 22 year old virgin despite being intelligent, attractive and athletic.
As for the current guy - just because he wants to be friends now, it doesn't mean it won't turn into something later! So just keep your eyes open & hope you found something useful in everything I just said.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, cutiepiesensei +, writes (17 November 2010):
Well many guys are shallow, so to be honest "not horrible looking" really doesn't give us much insight. As far as everything else (your love for cartoons and whatnot, p.s. i love em too), you just have to find someone with those same interest. Maybe you are looking for the wrong guy?
I have been pursued by extremely attractive guys that while we can have good conversation, they just don't click with me because we don't have the same interest. I would call myself attractive, but i'm also really nerdy (i'm at a prestigious university, a video game addict, and am currently pursuing my degree in computational media so i can be an animator). The guy that I'm with now isn't what I wouldve pictured myself with originally. He's such a dork, lol and is a total book nerd. He is attractive, but because of his height, very young looks, and he's a couple of pounds overweight (though he is losing weight cuz he used to be huge) I probably wouldnt have given him a look if he hadnt consistently pursued me. But i'm glad he did because he is the greatest guy I have ever met and truly cares for me. All i'm saying is that you might have to lower your standards or look in very unexpected places to find love. You never know, that guy that you might say "never in a million years" to might just be the one. However don't completely throw away your standards lol they are there for a reason. Just loosen them up a bit. Also, treat yourself to a spa day. Get a facial, nails done, make up, the works. Everyone needs a pick me up and a day to focus on themselves. It is a tremendous confidence booster and next time you walk into that office feeling good about yourself with your head held high, I promise the guys will notice.
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