A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 yr old male and I'm a virgin. I'm horribly shy towards women but on top of it all I want another virgin. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack to find a virgin that I even like. I only have a certin taste and if it's anything less the relationship fails. I just recently tried to get in a relationship with someone that seemed perfect but she left to be with a man she broke up with like 3 times before. I just don't trust any woman that has had sex before and I want the feeling to be mutual when me and my lover has sex for the first time. I feel trapped. I've been on blind dates and did the bar hopping thing but it all turns out the same. I've even been offered to be in a foursome with three other woman and I just left. What the hell do I do? Am I doomed to be alone?
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broke up, shy, trapped Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): K so personally, I sorta feel the same way as you do. I'd really like to find a male virgin, but they're so hard to find, it seems like. Of course I still take the time to get to know men, and if I really fell in love with them, but they had had sex before, I would make an exception
HOWEVER...if the man had had sex with more than 1-2 partners, that would just look unappealing to me..
A
female
reader, DiovanLestat  + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
 Sigh???!!!! (Diovanlestat leaves room)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Hi, I am the one who wrote this and I'd like to comment on a few things. 1.) I do NOT judge people who have had sex before but I do judge people who are out to just have sex with some strange person and leave. Unless this is consensual you never know how bad you're hurting that person. It might be someone who was really looking for a relationship and you just burnt them by just up and leaving them after you got your rocks off. 2.) My main reasons for finding another virgin is to find someone who is not out just to have sex. People who feel sex plays a major role in a relationship are really missing the point of a relationship. I want some one who likes me for who I am and not some chick who is fascinated with taking my virginity and asking questions later. Casual sex I'd imagine can be fun until your penis looks like a payday candy bar or your vagina looks more chapped than lips in dry heat. If I can't enjoy the person on a day to day basis than sex means nothing. The feeling of experiencing something for the first time with a lover can be infinitely powerful be it dance lessons, a trip to rome, or in this case sex and I would love to be able to have that feeling. I hope this cleared somethings up and hope to hear more.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
Hi mr male anonymous, you've been hanging out with the wrong type of people. There is nothing wrong with remaining a virgin, even if you choose to remain a virgin untill the day you die.
The lady's comment was offensive to me personally. She was implying only virgins have respect and morals. That's judgemental. Please read my post carefull, I made no judgements, I just tried to help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I don't agee with you DiovanLestat.Admitting to being a virgin in public will get you "judged" faster than anything. As soon as it comes out, everyone wants to know why you held off on having sex. It's accepted if you're religious or if you never had a chance to have sex. But if you say you held off for any other reasons, then all the non-virgins assume they're being judged whether they are or not. And if you admit that you held off for non-religious reasons and you also want a virgin partner, there is no hope of convincing anyone that you're not looking down on them. As a virgin, other people let you have your belief as long as you make sure to humbly treat it like some kind of neurotic personal problem that you know you've got. You aren't supposed to show any signs of actually PREFERRING it over than the non-virgin lifestyle, or else you're automatically judging everyone else. Imagine if we didn't let anyone show preference to their own religion without saying they were automatically looking down upon other faiths?
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
"I praise you for being a virgin, at 25 years old. This shows you have morals and respect for yourself" Jasmine05
I wonder what you virgins think of us non-virgins here? This is a worrying statement. All virgins moral and respectfull, non-virgins immoral and disrespectfull... Is the next step a division between black and white, women and men.... I'm not sure I like what this type of thinking brings to the world.
Dear caller I suggest you try joining as many churches, mosques and religious places as possible. If there are any virgins left, they probably can be found there.
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A
male
reader, saltwater + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
 "I just don't trust any woman that has had sex before"
That is extremely jugdemental, and probably why you are getting nowhere. Personally I have never understood what the problem is about finding a partner that has already had sex;
I understand you wanting to find another virgin -- and good luck to you -- but dismissing a woman because she has already had sex is, well, frankly ridiculous.
Because in effect you are saying is that every women that has ever walked the earth that has had sex is untrustworthy.
Which is pure *lunacy*
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): You can hold out but this probably won't happen. And don't expect to be able to admit this demand in public. You'll get chewed out for it whether you're a virgin or not. Most women don't have the same feelings about this so the majority of them will not really respect your feelings very much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): I am also 25 and a virgin. I know it is hard to find a virgin but believe me many are there. Good luck and do not compromise with ur values.
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A
female
reader, Tigger3165 +, writes (10 July 2008):
 the perfect mate doesn't exist... i'm sorry... they don't... you dream and dream of what you want to find, and no one can ever live up to it... but eventually, you'll find that person that is perfect FOR YOU... and they may be nothing like what you thought... i'm not sure why you want to have another virgin... but would you risk losing your virginity to someone you could really have a life long relationship with, just because they weren't a virgin, or they didn't fit into your perfect little mold?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): It's hard out there. Im actually looking for the same thing. And I'm your age. Be true to yourself. It will happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): There's nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I am a 25 year old woman who is a virgin and Is looking for the same thing. Its hard. Be true to yourself and Don't give up. It will happen
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (10 July 2008):
 wow
hmmm ... okay
you think this is about your terminal virginity but I'd say that it's much more than that
I think you have shown yourself to be quite rigid and inflexible which makes you rather undesirable.
I think you want the emotional connection that you assume to be innately part of sex, and that is why you have such puritanical views on who your partner is going to be.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that you're nervous about being with a woman that is not a virgin because you're afraid that she's going to compare you to the other guy(s) and you'll not fare well. Have you ever seen the movie The Forty Year Old Virgin? Watch it.
The thing is, whether you're talking about sex or finding your soul mate or even a decent room mate, you have to accept that we're all human ... we're all flawed. You can find a virgin, but will she laugh at your jokes? Will she appreciate your acumen? Will she have reasonably normal family and friends? The list is endless ... and you're going to have to choose your battles.
I think you need to do some serious soul-searching of your own before you even think about finding someone to hook up with, because your conflicted values are going to keep you single and virgin for a very long time.
Create your peace.
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