A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu55
writes:This is probably going to sound immature but i have to do this. I'm 19 years old and my parents are super strict. According to them I have to be home by 10 pm until I move out. I can't sleep over guys houses nor party or basically anything a 19 year old does. I have planned a one week trip with my friends which my parents have allowed me to do. But I also wanted to go on vacation with my boyfriend for a week and there is no way that they will let me. I have to lie to them saying that i'll be on a trip again with some friends BUT then it gets complicated. I pay for my own car insurance and everything else YET i still don't have control of my car. I can't drive it too far away. I plan to tell them i'm going camping for 4 nights an hour away i'm not sure they'll let me take the car. If i tell them that i'm leaving it at my friends house i don't think they'll be okay with that since it's 4 nights. What can i possibly do to have these 4 days with my boyfriend on vacation and having a decent plan! I need to take my car but they are so strict about it!
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Then don't live with them.
A
female
reader, lulu55 +, writes (16 April 2012):
lulu55 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes i pay for everything i own and i have a job. the only thing is that i live with them still.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2012):
 Well, that is kind of how it is when you are still living at home. Perhaps you need to work on getting a job and a place of your own.
Their house, their rules.
If you aren't happy you can always try sit down and talk with them.
Do you work? Pay rent? pay for your phone, food, cable, clothes? If not... then I see nothing wrong in then treating you like a child, after all, they pay for it all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 Well well, it could be worse. Your parents aren't SUPER strict, after all you are taking off for several days twice in a row,or more, and they did not make a fuss. I am not saying they could not be much more chill- as a parent I was and am. But there are always two sides to a story, and I think you are only presenting yours without considering IF their overprotectiveness is justified.
Like, you want to live as " any 19 y.o. girl " and. let me tell you, I know tons of girls your age and no way all their lives include partying ( if by that we basically mean getting pissed drunk and dabbling with drugs and hooking up ) ,or sleeping out at random semiknown males ' houses . Some do and even more don't, and it may be that your parents are understandably not eager to facilitate for you a lifestyle that they find dangerous or immoral. Yes yes, you are an adult and you can do " all you want " but if " all you want " is stupid or disgusting in my book, at least go do it in your own place, don't ask for my endorsement for doing what I hate, until you live in MY house. Makes sense ?
Ditto for the getaways with the bf. Yes, it sounds strict- what's the point in pretending that a 19 y.o. young woman is virgin and immaculate. But, once again, it depends. Maybe they don't like your bf, and don't trust him, or don't trust you'll be safe with him. Maybe you change bf very often and they are tired to see you leaving for mini honeymoons every other month.
I am not saying thay are right in trying to prevent you from doing your thing , I am saying, try to get into their head and see things through their eyes, and appreciate where their corncerns could come from, rather than just labeling them as overbearing, out-of-touch old tyrants. From that position, you might be able to present your case, or reassure them, or negotiate a compromise that 's bearable for both. Plead your case as an adult, you'll have more chances to make them come around " I am 19 and I just want to have fun because all the 19 y.o. girls want to have fun " is not a very mature, constructive position.
Then again, it may be that nothing works and they are too set in their ways to compromise. Sigh... as you know, their house their rules, - nothing to do but moving out as soon as you can. Which makes sense regardless of age , if you want to live by your own rules, then you have got to have your own place.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (16 April 2012):
I know it sucks like hell but their house their rules! If you want to live independently, move out! You're an adult now, you could either be at college living in doorms or have a full time job so you can pay rent somewhere else.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 I'm sorry to hear about your situation because I have definitely seen this before. Is there any chance you are capable of moving out. If so I would use that against them and say that this is what you are doing, it's not being irresponsible and if they have something to say about it I would be prepared to move out within a month. Parents need to learn that their children do grow and from the sounds of it it's not like you are going out to do anything crazy. The hardest part is that they will always say it's their house so it's their rules which doesn't leave you much room for arguing as long as you live there.
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