A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:ok i am 15 going to be 16 in 2 weeks and i have been dating a guy who is 20 we have been together 4 2 months now is that ok ??? cause sometimes it doesn't feel right when we first met we didn't talk much but we liked each other a lot from the moment we met but he tried not to really talk to me cause i am 15 but as time went by we liked each other soo much we couldn't help it anymore is that ok to date a 20 year old ??? and recently we said i love u to each other but if that's not ok then i don't want him to go to jail or anything so i will stop it even though i love him and out of all the idiots out there he is the best i couldn't ask 4 someone better than him Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): i think i need to think whether or not you view this as something long term... he may not want to pressure you but his suroundings may differ fom yours... where he wants what you are unwilling to give and so you should really think this though 4 yrs is not a huge age gap... now if u were 11 and he were 20 that would be an issue... just make sure that u r mature enough and mentally stable enough to put youself in an exclusive relationship with an older guy... hope this helps p.s. i'm 17 and i was crazii about this 20 yr old... so we are in the same boat.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): You need to listen to what your "gut" tells you. Do you feel safe with him? Can you be yourself around him (even if it means being silly)? I had an older boyfriend when I was in high school-- I was 16 and he was 19. Now I look back and realize that he really was too old for me. He was always trying to "teach" me things (as in "I'm your teacher, you're my student... I can teach you all about life, what you should think, blah blah blah") Hilarious to think he was only 19 and didn't know f-all about anything! :DIf he treats you with respect and kindness, lets you speak, listens to you and takes your opinions seriously, and is *never* dominating or controlling ("do this, don't do that, do what I say!"), and you're of legal age to date this guy, then I'd say proceed-- with caution. But if he's overbearing in anyway-- dump him (and that goes for a guy of any age!) :)
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 If it is legal where you live then I don't see a problem with it unless it will upset your parents...I went through this in high school I was 15 and I started dating a guy who was 21. He was the older brother of one of my friends, so we knew a lot of the same people. We got along fine probably because at the early 20's some men are kind of more immature compared to women their age. Of course, my parents flipped out when they found out and tried to make me stop seeing him. Didn't work though...lol.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity + ♥, writes (26 August 2009):
 Ask your parents. They'll give you the right response.
And anyway, I don't think that this is a good idea at all. A guy who is twenty years old and pursuing a fifteen year old isn't exactly the most mature in the world. I think he needs to grow up a little and date girls around his age. He doesn't have much respect if he is taking advantage of a fifteen year old, nor is he showing much respect for her parents. I doubt they would like the idea.
Which really means this guy is only thinking with what is in his pants. Which is definitely something you don't want to get involved with at such a young age.
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A
female
reader, Accountable  + ♥, writes (26 August 2009):
As I got into a relationship with my boyfriend when he was 20 and i was 16, i feel fairly safe in saying that if it feels right, and you are certain he is the right man for you (and one who isnt looking to take advantage and then run off!) then ignore any social taboos and go for it :) I was very fortunate in that my family and friends were (and still are) hugely supportive of the relationship; if this is not the same for you then you will have to consider whether the relationship is worth potentially burning these bridges.
Good luck! xx
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (25 August 2009):
That situation is shady, your still in high school and this guy should not be hanging around high schools still stuck in the mentality of high school. He should be in college pursuing a career. Dont put yourself in a bad situation.-IYDM
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): What many people do not realize is that maturity and experience is not an universal truth shared by everyone. There is no such thing as "acting one's age".
Too many people automatically assume that an age 20 person will have a vastly different experience and maturity than that of a 15 year old. In their vastly generalized and very inaccurate consensus, a 20 year old would have the opportunity to experience life outside of high school, to have the experience of interacting with other people, to take on more responsibilities, to be more aware of what the world is like and has to offer. However, that generalize ideal is vastly inaccurate.
In my years of observing and speaking to hundreds of people both online and offline, each person's series of motivations, agendas, experiences and maturities differ.
For example, I have a 12 year old cousin (Bran), a 14 year old cousin (An), a 16 year old cousin (Al) and a 21 year old cousin (Chris). While Bran cannot comprehend the world outside that of his immediate environment, he seems to be quite calm and witty. His emotional intelligence also seems to be quite high and often times, is able to decipher when to speak, when not to and what to say and what not to say.
On the other hand, An and Al are really immature. They indeed do have a lot more experience, are both into sports, as one of them is an Assistant Captain in his hockey team and both of their parents often take them out into the world to explore, yet their minds are lacking basic EI in many levels.
Chris is the most mature out of all of them and has had many hardships in her life. However, she isn't really aware of her surroundings much. Her perception compared to Bran's is quite a bit lower. Sure, she has a higher comprehension of the world and what it's capable of, but she isn't nearly as perceptive nor understanding of it than Bran is.
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Indeed, other than legalities of your regional laws, we also have to look at the individual's maturity rather than an universal one.
My father was 32 when he married my mother who was 25. My mom had always had a very innocent view of the world. Her perception isn't bad, but her awareness is terrible. My dad has had a lot more experiences than her in terms of hard work and facing hardships. So how would you compare their maturity levels? My dad started working when he was 12. My mom started working when she was 17. My dad started traveling the UK and North America when he was 22. My mom traveled to Canada when she was 26. My dad's education went to college. My mom had up to grade 3.
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Let me ask you all this again: how do you measure maturity with age, when each of us are raised in environments completely different than yours? How do you measure maturity and awareness when each of us has had different upbringings, levels of hardship and different mechanics for perception and awareness?
I would not be so bold to say a 15 year old is a child compared to a 20 year old. I can say that some are, but not all are. Playing the "better safe than sorry" approach does not get most people anywhere. People grow when they are allowed knowledge and experiences, through the guidance of those whom already have such knowledge and experiences. Guidance is different than dictating.
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female
reader, shelbyrayanne  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Hi.
If you really love each other age shouldnt matter.
i think its fine if your almost 16. thats only four years diffrence its not like its 10 years or anything right?
hope i helped. :)
good luck!
-Shelby
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A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (25 August 2009):
 karasu10, don't scare the girl! What she is doing would be illegal in the US but she's in Greece, where, as I've pointed out, the age of consent is 15. It would be perfectly legal for her to have sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend. Whether it is a good idea emotionally is, of course, a different question.
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A
female
reader, karasu10 +, writes (25 August 2009):
 do your parents know about the relationship?
according to the law what you're doing is illegal, well if there is physical contact.
if you're parents arent ok with the relationship then you should respect their wished. they are the only ones that can give you consent.
as for the moral part. you havent experienced half as much as this boy. the age gap will probably cause problems in the future.
my suggestion is to keep this relationship pg-13 until you are of age to avoid any legal problems. if the guy doesnt stick around until then, he's not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Ordinarily I would not recommend this. At age 15 you are way too young. You need to focus on finishing up school and going on to college. Your boyfriend is attracted to you, but it would be much better for you two to wait. Its nice to have people as a friend and all, but with this much going on in your life, you don't want to drop the ball.
You're basically a teenager and he's a man. It doesn't look good up front grant you.
I would say wait a bit of time first. Take things slow. If the attraction is there and its deep, he can wait for you to grow up a little bit more.
The other thing is your family. I would suspect that even if your parents and siblings are open-hearted and are willing to accept this situation, you still have to take into account what's truly best for you down the road and not now.
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A
male
reader, the one who doesn't know  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 I'm sorry that I am not of aware of your countries laws, but generally there is no problem unless says there. I'm going to be frank with you, if you never have sex, there's no way of legally prove it wrong. If you do have, that's just a moral decision, wether you think to be right or wrong. If you feel good with him, it doesn't matter if he is old or young. Imagine a couple in which the man is 60 and the women is 55. Tell me is there a problem here. Of course not. The age gap is just a big fat taboo which people invented. He is an adult, your still a teenager, who cares?
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male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (25 August 2009):
According to Wikipedia, the age of consent in Greece is 15, so you should be safe:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Greece
Of course, that is just the legal side. You also need to think about the psychological side: are you ready for a relationship with someone who is four or five years older than you (at your age, four years is quite a lot).
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