A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI ask for help, because it is now bothering me for a long time. Please don't condemn me or tell me that I am ungrateful / behaving like a princess / looking to much of holywood films. I got this answers a lot and it doesn't help. Maybe I am ungrateful in this perspectiv and sure, I want to be treated like a princess for one moment. I know, most people don't understand my problem. So I aks this people not to answer to my question. Thanks!It is a long story and sadly seems to be a never ending story. But I want it to end it finaly, just don't know how. There are times, I don't bother at it and I seem to be happy with it, but as soon as something happens all the bad feelings appear again.I am now happily (! really, I can't think of a better husband) married for three years, but still disappointed about the way he porposed to me.We were dating for years and I was waiting for a proposal, when he told me, he wasn't sure about me. He even took a timeout of our relationship while I was on a world tour for a few weed with a friend, without letting me know. So when I come back, a lot of me friends where engaged and the where only two years dating. So I was a little disappointed that I am still waiting, when hi told me, he doesn't know if he ever would. A hard time in our relationship started, because I was so sure and before that he sent very different signals. I gave him a few month to decide (I set an ultimatum, he didn't know about, because I didn't wanted to set to much pressure on him). Just a week before the end of the ultimatum, he told me, that he would like to marrie me. I was happy about that, but still very much hurt. I told him, that I was dreaming of a proposal for a long time and I would like him to prepare a surprise for me. Because it was always me, preparing a lot of surprises for him. It was me doing the first step for the relationship and it was me that planed our meetings. He even went on holiday without telling me...He than had a hard time and a lot of work and I knew, that I would have to wait for a proposal until he had time to think of something. I tried to use this time to work on our past, as I still felt very unhappy of what happend.So to make the long story a bit shorter: the day came when he was on holiday with his parents and as I had a lot of work and was very stressed, I took one day of to visit him. In the morning we where talking and I mentioned that I was not ready for the next step. On the same day in the afternoon, we went on a walk and I was already thinking of me work, when he suddenly asked me if I would like to be his wife one day.My first thought was: "is that a proposal?" than I started to cry because the setting wasn't romantic at all and I just told him in the morning, not in the next few weeks, I need time. I still said yes, because I wanted to marry him and I realised he ruined the proposal anyway, so if I say no, it won't get better.A few weeks later I told him, I'd like to get surprised one day in a nice way. Since than I am expecting every anniversary to get a little surprise. Nothing comes. It's always me preparing something special.But he can be romantic and he has ideas about surprises, just not for me. Just no he prepared a very nice and adventured stag party for a friend. Not even his best friend, just a friend. And at the moment, he has a looooooooooot of work to do and comes home very late in the evenings to get things done.I just feel hurt about this part in our relationship. There are a lot of good things, but this bothers me every anniversary and every time he prepares a surprise for others.What can I do about it? I already told him, but he doesn't seem to attend to it. I just want to be his princess for one day. I just want to wake up one morning and not knowing what is going on. I just want him to prepare something very great for just one or two days. Is that too much of expectation???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (12 May 2014):
 So often we get questions here regarding unfulfilled fantasies, and we answer that fantasies are most often better kept as fantasies. Frankly you will probably be disappointed should some day your husband get a clue and indulge you in this fantasy. Fortunately you will likely hove no other bad effects. I think he is a little foolish for not catching on and planing something. You are asking more what you should do. Well don't beg or pester. Nagging is a big turnoff and reinforces his thinking that he really can't do it anyway. A better way to approach it is to use the fantasy and when he ask what you are thinking about tell him. "oh, I was just fantasizing that YOU surprised me with a romantic week end. It was so much fun." More likely to boost his confidence.
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