A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I became very close friends with a woman from school who told me that for the first part of our friendship, she had been trying to get me to leave my girlfriend for her, but she's not interested anymore because she doesn't want to be involved in a mess. I won't pretend I wasn't extremely attracted to her. My friendship with her has caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I stopped contacting her. She contacted me later and I let her know I am working on my relationship. A few weeks passed and I felt bad for coldly cutting off contact with her - I do care about her, so I sent her a short "how are you doing?" email. This was stupid, I know. I genuinely believe I did it empathetically and not because I wanted contact with her. She sent me a long email about how she's dating a guy but said she wants to hang out with me. She also used lots of little "cutesy" words she and I used to use in emails and texts that had long-before ceased being used between us. Does she really think this is okay? It will just cause problems in my relationship were I to go do something with her - I'm not planning on it. I just want to know if she really thinks all this is okay and the air is clear or if she's trying to manipulate me with cutesy stuff. I think she has no respect for my girlfriend and therefore none for me.If she's dating a guy, why does she need me to at all? Her email contained a lot of "ho hum, please compliment me." statements. I used to eat that stuff up. Isn't that his job? I should be complimenting and hanging out with my girlfriend.The good thing is, now that she is dating a guy, I don't feel so bad.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 December 2009):
Yes, you should be complimenting your girlfriend, and not making contact with this woman. That's going to cause you more trouble. Forget this woman, cut contact even though you feel bad, and focus on your girlfriend instead, before you get into more confusion.
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