A
female
age
36-40,
*oe200
writes:please help me i am in a real mess ,i have been with my partner for over 2 years and up until 3 weeks ago we had a amazing loving relatioship. The last 3 weeks have been very difficult, my partner was seving in afghan when he had to come home early due to needing a operation, he has been home 8 weeks now and has had 3 operations and still needs 1 more.He has become really down as he is missing his friends and army life which i totally understand, before he went to afghan he was based away from home so we only saw each other on a weekend, so we always did things and had fun. We had a massive row on friday and he told me he doesnt know what he wants anymore and is not happy so he has said we are not together anymore i am heartbroken as i love him so much. Its only the last 3 weeeks that have been tough, i know i have been anrgy with him a few times in the last 3 weeks as he did not seem to want me near him ,he did not want me to even cuddle him which really hurt me, but he has said i dont love him anymore he can see it in my eyes, but that is not true he is my world and i love him so much, he said he loves me and always will so why cant he be with me. He has gone to his friends this week so i said i will not get in touch but he said he wants me to, he has text me a few times saying he loves me and then saying he doesnt know what he wants anymore, i dont know what i can do to make him see how much i love him,i know i have been upset these last 3 weeks, but its only because i was upset with how he was with me, but never once did i stop loving him or want it to be over, in the row we had we both said some really hurtful things to each other,for which we both said sorry. If its over like he said, why does he want to stay in touch and why is he still saying he loves me.
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female
reader, zoe200 +, writes (3 October 2011):
zoe200 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are still sad for us at the moment, we had a taik and he told me he does not kaow what he wants anymore. He said he knows he loves me and misses me when I am not there. He is going to stay at his friends in the week and then come home on the weekend, and see if that helps us.He was on a weekend away this weekend with his friends but he came home yesterday and spent the day and night. I dont know how things will work out for us, I just know how much I love him. When we are together he never wants to be intimate with me and this really upsets me as this was a very important part of our relationship. Why have things changes so much and do you think they can ever go back to the way they were. Please help me understand all this.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (13 September 2011):
It sounds like he is traumatized and trying to deal with the return to "normal" life.
If you can, and I know it is hard, try to just be his friend and text him back that you love him and do NOT talk about the relationship for NOW. Give him time. BUT set a time limit in your mind so you don't get strung along - one month? encourage him to start therapy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): Hes confused isn't he - Afghan can't have been easy which is something only his friends who were there could understand and living day to day with them bonds them. His operations must have taken their toll too - what were they for?
Its clear you love him and I guess in this case,wait till he's home and really talk. He can't expect to break your heart then be friends, telling you he still loves you.It may come to the point where YOU decide whats going to happen and cutting all contact is the only fair way for you, to let you get over him.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Hi,
You've been with him for 2 years, had good times, and I am sure he loves you too. I guess, right now with his physical problems, he's not feeling well, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. He's still in touch with you because he still have feelings for you, but not sure about everything going on in his life. He told you he's not sure what he wants? Also sId he's not happy.
I guess he just need some time apart. I am sure it has nothing to do with you. If you love him, you will understand him, and give him all the time he needs. Continue being his friend, be supportive and I am sure with time things will go back the way it was.
I know you miss him, love him, but be strong and patient.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Hi, I know that basically he is depressed and that plays games with our minds especially the operation is not helping the scene at all .... it is a well known fact that injuries and operations make people depressed and medication make them do and say things that hurt the people close to them ... so I request you to be patient... and if you do love him instead of accepting that things are over just try to be supportive and make him feel better till he is through with the operation and I think you should find out what is the nature of his injury and see what his doctor has to say before jumping to any conclusion ... anyways your question was why he is still telling you that he loves you .... that is because he still has feelings for you ....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): maybe he does love you but you hurt him too deeply so he has to protect his heart. he's going thru a really rough time, coming back from a war zone, while his buddies are still there. And then having 4 operations. he's been through a lot, maybe he also is suffering PTSD from the war. it's a big adjustment to go back to a civilian life and then have to deal with relationship problems on top of all he's been through. I think you should leave him alone so he can figure out what he wants. he may love you but that doesn't mean he can handle a relationship with you right now.
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